Thursday, November 26, 2009

Excited Insomnia

I have been sleeping better lately, I have been taking melatonin at 11pm and then shutting down the computer and TV at 11:30pm and drifting off to sleep by 12am. I then wake up naturally (no alarm clock) at 7am. If I stick to that routine I usually do fine. But lately I've been too excited to fall asleep! So I am calling this "excited insomnia," since its not the usual unable to sleep for no reason type of insomnia that I usually get.

What am I excited about? Two things... The first is that I am 149.5 lbs and if I lose 1.5 pounds this week I will be 148 lbs. The scale has hit 148 lbs already, but I am talking about my Monday weigh ins. That is one of my highest weight days during the week. Thursday and Friday tend to show the lowest numbers, and I get pretty excited over those. But every Monday the scale has been around 150 lbs or higher. This past Monday it was under 150, so that made me pretty hopeful that I am finally under that mark for good. And what excites me most is that if I do actually weigh in at 148 lbs next week then its conceivably only 3 more weeks until I am at my goal weight of 145 lbs!

While that is pretty exciting enough I am also excited that today (now that its 12:26am) I may have my LH surge, which means that in the next 24 to 48 hours I will be ovulating. I am really excited about this try in particular because of the way my cycles are and I am due for a regular length cycle this month. I am thinking that may help my chances of getting pregnant.

With those two things on my mind its hard to focus on the weight loss goal. I want to work out hard enough to lose at least a pound per week, but once I am ovulating I don't want to work too hard and harm any chances of little swimmers reaching their destination or a fertilized egg's chances of hanging onto the uterine wall. And while I know that exercising isn't suppose to effect either of those things happening, I still want to tread lightly the next two weeks to not hurt my chances of getting pregnant either. If I am pregnant and weigh 148 I should be happy, since my initial pre-pregnancy weight goal was 154 lbs. If I am not pregnant I am sure I can reach 145 pounds by the beginning of the new year. So I shouldn't feel guilty about taking things easy on the bouncing around during exercise the next two weeks and giving myself the best shot possible this time around. I don't have that many opportunities with JD being gone half the year. And these long cycle months come around for me every 6 months, so this is even a rarer event, that he is home and I have a long cycle (regular length cycle, actually). So, logically I should focus on the getting pregnant goal in my life and put the weight loss goal on the back burner. But I am SOOOOO close to being my ideal weight that its hard to stop working hard to blast those last 4.5 pounds off! I get so pumped just thinking about finally weighing 145 lbs.

I guess after writing I know what I need to do though. I wanted my second child to be BORN by now, not just to be pregnant. I can afford to take the time out of my workout schedules and plans for a couple weeks to make this chance the best it can possibly be. I can always lose weight, with or without JD home... I can't say the same for getting pregnant.

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