Happy things

I like it when so many things go well in life. So much of the time we hear the bad news and never enough good news! So here is all my good news :)

My husband is finally coming home! Yay!! He arrives home on his birthday, November 13th! Happy birthday, I arranged that especially for you, Hun. Ok, well... maybe not. But that is a great birthday present! He got signed off to the line early, he needed 6 more training hours in the plane and his fleet manager signed him off because it seems like he had been "flying the falcon for years" ...impressive! So I guess my husband is a good pilot after all. Haha... I knew that already. He says enough things that I can tell. And I have flown with him before, he is very professional and knowledgeable. And this means he will be home for Thanksgiving this year. He leaves again December 13th for his rotation, but I will take what I can get :-)

One very good thing about JD coming home is that we have another chance to try for that baby #2 we have been wanting. I am wondering if this is our time? I have short cycles, but every 6 months or so I have a normal length one. I wonder if when its a normal 28 day cycle (which it should be during the time he is home) that I am more fertile? Perhaps the lining isn't thick enough for that egg to stick to and that's why I have my period 4 to 5 days early every month? Someone mentioned her sister had short periods and that is what the Dr. was thinking for her situation. So, I don't know for sure if that is happening with me, but this will be interesting. Of course, I don't know if my cycle will be 28 days this time... but looking at past history I am due for that regular cycle very soon.

My Aunt Pattie, who has been in the hospital since April this year, is now at a rehab facility and is off all tubes and the trachea things are gone out of her neck! Yay!! So happy she has been doing so well and turning that corner like she is in the Indie 500... haha. She may even be home to celebrate Thanksgiving with us! Double Yay!!! I don't know if that will actually happen, but it means a lot for someone to say its possible. I am sure if she comes home she will still need to go to physical therapy, but I know she wants to come home, and we all want her home too.

I also am planning on having lunch with a couple fellow bloggers who actually follow my blog! So cool! I am so stoked about that!! They are also pilot wives and its fun to meet other PWs who know where you are coming from on certain areas that others just have no clue about. And my hubby will be home to watch the munchkin, so I don't have to worry about her coming with me and getting antsy at the restaurant and not being able to pay attention to everyone and have a good chat. Yay!!

This month I also decided to pick up the pace and try to lose 5 more pounds and make my belly flab go away for good! After the months and months of crunches and other ab work my abs are hard as a rock! I can see some definition occurring on the sides of my abs and there is just this little pudgy area around my belly button (from being pregnant with KD) that is being super stubborn. I want to see all my hard work under there :-) So, I have committed myself to doing two 30 to 45 min workouts a day, five days a week. This week is my first week and I have done 3 out of 5 days so far. Plus I am watching what I eat, of course... counting those calories (so annoying, but necessary). Also, I am happy to say I weigh less today than I have in YEARS! I don't even remember the last time I was this close to being under the 150 lbs mark. I am guessing it was in 2004 or 2005. I weigh 150.5 lbs right now and am SO close to getting under that this week. I am so excited, I can't even tell you! Just... so excited!!

Life is good :-) Hope you find your "happy things" list today too!

Happy Halloween!

I have been a busy gal for Halloween. I haven't decorated my own house, just a pumpkin (one inside and one outside). And the one inside I drew the face on. The one outside is on a shelf under a window with a few scarecrows hanging out in the planter. So I look like a Halloween grouch LOL. But I have been busy painting and creating for other projects.

A friend of mine commissioned me to do some photo op items for her church's Harvest Festival. One of them you stick your face through different characters (like a scarecrow, a pumpkin, a farmer) and the other one was a row of corn stalks and they are going to place a couple bales of hay in front of it for people to sit on and have their picture taken. Those were fun, but took a lot of my free time. I had to do them during the hours my daughter took her nap and after she went to bed. I often stayed up until 2am to finish. But that is normal for me, to be up that late. But man did my bum hurt! I think I squatted too much during the painting of those. (They were both around 4' x 7'... so rather large.)

After those were completed I headed over to my own church to help decorate for our Harvest Festival, this was pro-bono. I volunteered to decorate a couple doors in themes for the "treasure or treat" hunt the kids will be doing. I chose the music and art theme doors. Since I play the piano and sing, and compose music I thought I could handle that. And since I am an artist I thought I could swing the other one too :-) They did turn out cute. I used craft paper for those. I was DONE with the painting! Those I did mostly during the day time, while KD played with the other Mom's (who were doing other doors) kids or with Grandma at home. I did stay up late last night cutting out music notes and staff lines etc, for my music door, until about 1:30am. I think painting would have been easier, but it looked better with the paper.

My hubby is still gone flying, trying to accumulate those training hours so he can come home. He has been gone from home for over 5 weeks so he is getting antsy. He has 15 hours down and 10 to go. He is a bit sad about not being able to go with me and KD to our church's Harvest Festival. It should be fun. There will be a bounce house, the prizes at the themed doors, some games, a cake walk, BBQ, a live rock-a-billy band, face painting (I might be wrangled in for that job too). Sounds like a good time to me! I don't have a cute costume for KD to wear. I have a shirt that says "Boo-tiful" on it and some black leggings that have silver sparkles in it and some pumpkin socks. So she will be dressed in Halloween themed items. She likes to dress up, but only for a few minutes and then she wants out of her tutu or whatever she put on. So, maybe next year when she is three she will be ready for a cute costume. Last year we stayed home so I put on her ladybug dress that my cousin gave her and she wore that around the house and the front yard and helped up pass out candy to the kiddos when they rang the door. This year I didn't buy any candy since we won't be home tonight. So glad about that... don't want left over sweets to be tempting me. And I hope that what KD gets tonight isn't that much. In fact I will make sure it isn't. I will be the one ending up eating it or just tossing it. I still have 6 lbs to lose and I am going to really focus this next month on exercising and doing more cardio to lose that last bit of flab on my belly. Otherwise I am looking pretty good these days.

I hope JD gets home soon, it would be nice to have him home for Thanksgiving and Christmas. And to have another chance or two for baby making hee hee. The more chances we have the better, right?

Have a Happy Halloween everybody! Stay safe!

Texas visit

I got to go to Texas this past Monday to today (Thursday). My hubs is there training for the new plane he has been promoted to fly. He will be flying a Falcon now, he was flying the Hawker. I got to sit in a sim while he "flew." It was really cool, this box on hydraulic legs that bounced you around and shook and all kinds of things. If you have ever been on the "Star Tours" ride at Disneyland it was kind of like that.

We were able to time my visit with the time of month that I am suppose to be ovulating, but who knows if we "hit the target" or not? We tried our best to not talk about it and just hang out, have fun, no pressure. I really don't want it to become a chore to be intimate. If we aren't in the mood... then we aren't in the mood, no biggie. But we hadn't seen each other for a couple weeks, so getting into the mood wasn't that difficult... hee hee. I just don't want to get my hopes up too high and then get the blues again.

Today I heard that another friend of mine had a miscarriage... so sad. She was past the first trimester and just started into the 2nd trimester. So, that couple must feel devastated right now. She has two kids already, but I don't think that makes it any easier when you lose a baby beyond the first few weeks of pregnancy. At this point she may have even seen her baby bouncing around on the ultrasound, and I am sure she at least has heard the heart beat. It just makes you realize how delicate the whole process is of having a baby. Its more amazing when nothing goes wrong and Mom does fine and baby turns out perfectly healthy.

Like with my first pregnancy... Our first try and we get preggers right away, and I didn't have any complications at all during my pregnancy, and when KD was born she didn't have any problems. When she had her first check-up the Pediatrician was like, "Its really amazing when a child is born completely healthy... absolutely no problems." We did feel very blessed. Today's news just further spurred me to be thankful to God for giving us such a wonderful daughter. She is smart as a whip and ahead of the curve for most of her developmental mile stones. Can't help but feel blessed.

I also realized today that even if I get preggers it doesn't mean that we are "out of the woods" just yet. Its pretty common to have a miscarriage, 1 in 4 pregnant women end up having one. So, I do want to get pregnant, and I want to be excited about it if it happens, but I will have to realize that our dreams of a second baby may fall flat even just after finding out I am pregnant. I will have to continue to brace myself for the worse, while hoping for the best. You just never know what can happen. I know my husband and I have even had the conversation... if he had to decide between me living or the baby living who would he choose? Its a horrible thought, and one I hope he will never be put in the position to make, but its good to talk about these things. He decided he would rather have me, we can always make another baby... but he doesn't want to lose his wife. I would probably want my baby to live over me, but I think that is the Motherly instinct, and I agreed with my husband's wishes and said if we are ever in that position I support his decision to save me, his wife, over our baby. I am sure I would be devastated though, if it was a scenario where I was 9 months along and ready to bring a baby home and then lost the little one instead. Very sad. Okay... enough depressing talk.

My Aunt, doing better

I got to visit my Aunt today, thanks to a friend from my church who volunteered to watch KD. She is talking using a voice box "button" that is in the place where her trachea tube use to be. So her voice didn't sound like her, but it was wonderful to be able to talk to her again. When she was awake, when I visited before, she had to mouth everything and it was difficult to understand what she was trying to say. While I was there the Physical Therapist came in and had her sit up and get into a wheelchair. It was good to see her starting to gain some strength, although just that task alone was difficult and she needed his assistance quite a bit. He mentioned that her neck brace could probably come off at this point, but they have to do some x-rays first and the Doctor has to sign off on it, of course. But its good, I think, if the PT already thinks she could handle supporting her neck without the brace.

She asked if my Mom was at home when she passed away, I said, "Yes. It was a quick and painless death. They think it was a heart attack." But I didn't tell her any more details about Mom's passing. I figured she didn't need to know all those things, just needed to know she died painlessly and to continue to be happy for her, that she is in Heaven. My Aunt seemed to be okay with the news, happy that her sister is now in a better place and no longer suffering from mental illness and the other physical ailments that she was acquiring towards the end of her life. I feel the same way. Even if I do miss my Mom at least I don't have to worry about her anymore, which I often did. I was always concerned about her being lonely or if she was taking her meds properly, if she was eating well enough etc. So, its nice to not have to be worried about those things anymore. I am blessed that I had a Mother for as long as I did.

I brought a collage board I made to set up at my Mom's memorial service, she liked looking at that. I left it there for my Aunt, so she can see my Mom whenever she thinks about her. I have all those pictures on my computer, so I don't need the board. I also set up my laptop so my Aunt could see KD, since I can't bring my little girl in due to the amount of germs in that environment. My Aunt enjoyed that as well. I would have brought pictures, but it would take days to print as many as I have of KD! So this way she could see more pics and even saw a couple little videos I made of KD singing in the tub, and sitting at the piano playing and singing. It was a good visit.

My Aunt said she feels the prayers of everyone, after I told her many people have been keeping her in their prayers. I am glad she feels encouraged and loved by everyone, even though she is alone most of the day in the hospital. I can't explain how happy I am to have seen her in the condition she is in! There are no words to explain it all. Although she is not fully recovered she has come so far since I last saw her, and that is very encouraging. And it is wonderful hearing her say, "I love you" and be able to give her kisses. I would have given her a big bear hug, but didn't want to pull any tubes loose, or wrench her neck. It was just nice to see her awake and talking and sitting up again. I am very pleased to see her doing better!

Anxiety lifted

I found out today that my Uncle already told my Aunt about my Mom's passing. So now I don't have to be stressed about breaking the news to her tomorrow when I see her. It would have been nice if he told me when he broke the news so I wouldn't be worried about it. Oh well, at least now I can go enjoy a nice visit with my Aunt.

He didn't tell her the truth, he said my Mom passed away in her sleep (she had a heart attack and the story is a bit more complicated than just saying she died in her sleep). But I am not going to bother my Aunt with the details right now, she doesn't need to get worried about any of this. My Uncle said she took the news okay. I am kind of surprised about that, but then again my Mom's life wasn't all peachy keen and my Aunt knows as well as I do that Mom was a Christian and we both believe that she is in Heaven and a whole person again. So it really is more of a time to rejoice than a time to mourn. But I am sure some sort of grief about it will hit at some point. Its hard not to miss a loved one, even if you are happy they are in Heaven.

I am very excited to see my Auntie Pat now... can't wait for tomorrow!

Anxiety about breaking bad news

I have been really emotional lately, partly because we are trying to get pregnant. I think the other part of the equation is that I may be telling my Aunt the bad news about my Mom, her sister, soon. She doesn't know yet that my Mom passed away in July. And here we are in October already.

I haven't seen my Aunt since she got her halo-brace removed, a few weeks ago, and since she has been able to talk again. She recently got her trachea tube removed and now can talk and not just mouth words, that I can't read half the time. The last three times I saw her she was asleep and if she opened her eyes it wasn't for long, and I don't think she realized I was there. So I am excited to see her now that she is more awake and aware of what happened and where she is. She is also walking using a walker and with assistance from nurses! I can't wait to see her! I am so happy she has turned the corner and isn't at the doorstep of death anymore. She had so many close calls that sometimes I really thought she was going to die.

But when I go see her she may ask me about my Mom. She already asked about her when talking to her husband, and he said she wanted to visit but wasn't able to get a ride. I don't want to lie to her, but I understand why he doesn't want her to know the bad news yet, he is afraid she isn't strong enough for the news yet. I can tell her, if she even asks, that my Mom isn't able to come visit. And if she asks why then I may try, "Don't worry about her, she wants you to get better and loves you." And if that doesn't do the job to deflect the questions I may end up telling her that her sister has passed away and that is why she hasn't seen her. I know eventually this is going to happen, and I don't want to lie to her because I don't want her to be angry at us for keeping this from her. Its hard to know what to do in this situation. I guess if she presses and demands to know why my Mom can't come see her she may be strong enough to get the truth.

The other part of my anxiety lately is not only about potentially telling my Aunt but knowing how hard she is going to take it and how hard its going to be to see her cry. I think its going to make me relive the experience a bit again, and that will be hard for me as well. But I really want to be there whenever she gets the news because I want to be able to hug her and hold her hand and cry with her and talk about it. Since my Mom, my Aunt, and I were all so close to each other I feel that it will be important for her to have me as a support to get through the grief. We took many vacations together and they were both there when my daughter was born. When my parents divorced I chose to live with my Mom (while my brothers chose to live with my Dad) and my Aunt often came over to read the Bible to my Mom and pray for her, and she was there for me when my Mom (who was Manic Depressive) ended up in the mental hospital a couple times. I would stay at my Aunt's house and she would make sure I got to school and would take care of me until my Mom was out of the hospital again. I guess she is like a second Mom to me, and also kind of like a sister to me as well. She is just the best Auntie a girl could ever wish for and I love her to pieces, I would literally die for her and trade places with her in a second to give her relief from this whole painful process. I love her that much. She means to world to me! And with my Mom gone I am really glad that she is recovering and that I won't be losing her too.

I am planning, at this time, to drive out to see her Friday. It will take about 45 minutes to get there with no traffic, which I hope to avoid by leaving at 10am. And I have a friend that is able to watch KD so I don't have to take her to the hospital and expose her to possible diseases. She hasn't gotten her flu shot yet and I don't want KD to be getting sick. And I have left messages for my Uncle, my Cousin, and my Mother-in-law about going with me. If I can have someone there to help me with all this that would be great. But I feel that I really need to see my Aunt no matter what, even if I have to see her alone. Its been too long and I haven't seen her since she has made progress.

Beating the Blues

I am attempting to get back into gear and not let the fact that I am not pregnant get me down. I only did my exercise two days last week, and only for a half our. The day I got my period was the last day I worked out. The rest of the week I ate too much sweets and was drinking a wine cooler every night before bed, and I don't drink on a daily basis. I drink only on social occasions, and even then not every time. So for me to be drinking at all says a lot. (I had the alcohol from a Bunco party that I hosted at my house Friday night, and the ladies left it for me. I should have sent it out the door with whoever brought it.)

I gained 1.5 lbs from all the slacking last week. So I definitely can't keep that up and need to pull myself up by the boot straps and get my butt in gear again. My next weight goal (I am below my first goal) was only 6 pounds away, but now its almost 8 pounds away... I am headed in the wrong direction. But I know it was just because I was feeling down. I need to reset my focus and strive towards this new weight loss goal and not think about getting pregnant.

Today, even though I was tempted to just get my P.J.'s on and hop into bed tonight, I finally did my workout like a good girl. I even didn't eat that bad and when tempted to reach for one of the last two wine coolers I decided that a tall glass of water would be a better option and allowed myself a Diet Coke with a scoop of trail mix as a "good job" treat, for getting back into the routine.

Next week I am going to go visit my husband in Texas, where he is training. He is leaving next week Friday for work again and I won't be seeing him until November sometime. I am not sure when in November either, since he has to get 25 hours in the new plane he is training for first. What I am going to TRY to do is put baby-making out of my brain, and encourage him to not think about it either, and just have fun, relax, and enjoy the time I have before he leaves. (Even though, yes, it happens to be the week that I should be ovulating.)

After thinking it all through, in my last post, I have decided there is nothing to be blue about, we have plenty of time still to get pregnant and I don't need to put any pressure on myself or my husband to get this accomplished in the next few months. Having kids 3 to 5 years apart isn't the worse thing that could happen.

Today I also received news that the girlfriend who got pregnant after just one try had a miscarriage. (I think I mentioned her before.) Her first daughter is the same age as my first daughter, they are 3 days apart. I was a bit sad to hear she got pregnant right away (excited for her, but sad for me) and was hoping to be close behind her and have our next kids around the same time. It goes to show you, even if I do get pregnant there are no guarantees that everything will go perfectly well. I can't put so much pressure on myself that if I do get pregnant and then miscarry that I end up being miserable and horribly depressed about it. If I am already feeling blue every time my period comes around how much worse would I take it if I ended up miscarrying? Time to get it together and get back on track with my life.