Okay, so my daughter is 22 months old. One day my hubby put her down for her nap in a poopy diaper. He knew it was poopy and then forgot to take care of it before putting her down. Anyways, it turned out to be a good thing because since then she has told us when she is about to poop or has pooped. Before this time she was always content to walk around in a soiled diaper, which I could never figure out why. Anyways, so she became interested in the toilet as well. I bought her a toilet seat to put on the big toilet and put a stool in front and she actually peed on the toilet after one accident of playing with it and peeing next to it and I immediately put her on the toilet and told her to pee there. That was a couple weeks ago. Since then she hasn't shown much interest in actually peeing or pooping on the toilet. So then I thought I would get her the little potty that sits on the ground for easy access, I thought "perhaps that would be more appealing?" and I was right!
Last night she played with her new potty and today she came up to me and said "potty" and pointed towards the bathroom. We went in there, pulled down her shorts and pulled off the diaper and she played on the potty for a few minutes and then all of a sudden she started to poop on the floor... I immediately sat her on the potty and she finished the poop there. I showed her the one on the floor belonged in the toilet and then dumped it all in the big toilet and flushed it. She seemed a bit appalled by the whole poop incident, but I was so proud of her! She knew she had to go and told me, and ALMOST actually used it right.
So now I am on the Internet and reading my baby books to see what is next. I was wondering if she was too young, but according to what I read she is just at the right point for the early learners. She must take after her Mommy, my Mom told me that I asked to be potty trained when I was around two. I did have two older brothers though and my parents as an example, KD is an only child. Anyways, I am happy she is interested and that this could be the beginning of the potty training adventure. Of course I know she could regress or stop being interested at some point too, but I feel I should "strike while the irons hot." Sorry my blog has taken a poopy turn for now, but I may have other things to write about soon... don't you worry!
I guess I still need to buy a few items, so its off to the store for some training items: hand sanitizer, flushable wipes, pull ups, stickers for a reward, elastic waste banded shorts (for KD to pull off and on herself), and perhaps even a trip to the library for a DVD and a book or two (for her and me). Any tips from Mom's who have been down this road successfully already would be welcome. I have some concerns, she can't pull down her own pants yet, not for lack of trying (but hoping the pull ups will be easy to handle and that elastic waste bands will help her learn) and she has limited verbal skills (although she is a very good communicator with the words she does know and she knows how to say potty, poo poo, and pee pee.) I also don't know how to take this adventure on the road and if I need to fill her with water and juice for the next week to make sure she pees often or use a timer to remind us to go to the potty every 30 to 90 minutes or whatever. I don't know if I should expect her to learn this skill in a few days and go to underwear at her young age or if the pull ups are fine until she is a bit older. I don't know a lot, but I am ready to dive in!
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Thursday, August 27, 2009
I wanna wrap myself in bubble wrap
I have been exercising for a while now, getting back to my pre-pregnancy weight from the first kid, and now I am finally under that weight and on my way to getting to an even more decent weight. Anyways, now I am trying to get pregnant with kid #2 and every time we have tried to conceive I want to just lay horizontal and wrap myself in bubble wrap as to not jiggle anything loose that is necessary for this to work. As if jumping jacks or stomach crunches would cause me to not get pregnant. I have read over an over on Internet sites that exercising while ovulating and trying to conceive has no effect on conception, but somehow my brain wants to tell me otherwise. As if those little swimmers won't be able to make the trip if I jump around, and then if the egg gets fertilized it won't be able to grab onto my uterine wall and will fall out. I know its scientifically ridiculous to think like this, but apparently I am not the only crazy woman who thinks this way. I have found the same question posted on discussions on the Internet over and over. One woman wrote "I want to wrap myself in bubble wrap and cotton..." and its exactly how I feel! I think its because I have tried four times already and it hasn't taken yet. The first time around I got preggers on the second try, and I wasn't exercising, so this is a new neurosis for me. I worked full time and ran up and down ladders, lifted heavy boxes and the such, and I went to school in the evenings and stayed up late doing homework, but I wasn't exercising... so I was never worried about my physically activity level. I even had just gotten off the pill and my periods weren't even regular when I got preggers last time. So, I think its the length of time that has gone by this time that is turning me into a worry wart about the exercise. Its the only factor that is really different this time around.
I have read that if you are an athlete and have very low body fat that this could effect fertility. But I am still in the "overweight" category on the BMI chart, so that's not a worry for me. Everything else has said that if you have been exercising for a while before trying to get pregnant than you should be fine continuing your program during conception and pregnancy, and its best for your health and the future baby's to not halt it. And I also know that it takes an average of 6 months to a year for a woman at my age to conceive, so I am not out of the bounds of normal... just out of the bounds of what my previous experience was. So, today I did my workout at full tilt (except the jumping jacks, still couldn't bring myself to do those) even though I don't really want to. If this round doesn't take then I am going to be really paranoid next time and not move for three weeks and lay as flat as possible! LOL!!! :-D And on the other hand, if it doesn't take this round and I do lay flat for three weeks then I won't lose those final 4 pounds that put me at "normal" weight according to the BMI chart, which would be fabulous! So I can't get lazy yet. I still have goals to work on while I am waiting for this baby thing to happen.
I just need to think about this rationally for a moment. Women get pregnant all the time that don't know when they ovulated or aren't tracking their periods. Women do all kinds of crazy things that would make you think they would be the least likely to get pregnant in their situation, like smoking, drinking, taking all kinds of various medications, strange menstrual cycles etc. And back in the stone ages women probably had no clue as to when they were ovulating and were probably doing more physical work than any of us average types do today. Even crazy fit athletes get pregnant and keep going in their sport during pregnancy and everything is fine. So why should I think that my 45 minute aerobic exercise would make such a huge impact on my ability to get pregnant? Its just silly. I think those ovulation tracking kits are more a curse than a blessing. Knowing its actually very possible to get pregnant at a certain time of the month just makes you stress out over it, and that is probably the worse thing you can do when trying to get pregnant. Its better when you are clueless and it just happens!
Well, I guess for the next two weeks its back to normal for me and my exercise and eating habits. Then I get to see if mother nature has brought my monthly gift to me or not, and if not then I get to pee on a stick! (I know I can pee on a stick like 5 days before my period, but waiting for it is cheaper than doing that every time we try to get preggers... that pink box is under my bathroom sink waiting for me still.) I hope we got the job done this time, I really don't want to wait another month until the hubs is home (he just left yesterday for his 35 day rotation.) And I really don't want to have the next baby in July, a spring due date sounds so much nicer than being 9 months preggers during one of the hottest months of the year. But whatever God's will is I am sure it will happen accordingly. I just have to be patient, and that isn't always that easy. Especially since we put off trying until the timing was more ideal, and now we are past the "ideal" and are like... "happen already!" I would like to have the next one before I turn 35 or at least before my first goes into Kindergarten... or worse, college. Please, Lord... Please?!!!
I have read that if you are an athlete and have very low body fat that this could effect fertility. But I am still in the "overweight" category on the BMI chart, so that's not a worry for me. Everything else has said that if you have been exercising for a while before trying to get pregnant than you should be fine continuing your program during conception and pregnancy, and its best for your health and the future baby's to not halt it. And I also know that it takes an average of 6 months to a year for a woman at my age to conceive, so I am not out of the bounds of normal... just out of the bounds of what my previous experience was. So, today I did my workout at full tilt (except the jumping jacks, still couldn't bring myself to do those) even though I don't really want to. If this round doesn't take then I am going to be really paranoid next time and not move for three weeks and lay as flat as possible! LOL!!! :-D And on the other hand, if it doesn't take this round and I do lay flat for three weeks then I won't lose those final 4 pounds that put me at "normal" weight according to the BMI chart, which would be fabulous! So I can't get lazy yet. I still have goals to work on while I am waiting for this baby thing to happen.
I just need to think about this rationally for a moment. Women get pregnant all the time that don't know when they ovulated or aren't tracking their periods. Women do all kinds of crazy things that would make you think they would be the least likely to get pregnant in their situation, like smoking, drinking, taking all kinds of various medications, strange menstrual cycles etc. And back in the stone ages women probably had no clue as to when they were ovulating and were probably doing more physical work than any of us average types do today. Even crazy fit athletes get pregnant and keep going in their sport during pregnancy and everything is fine. So why should I think that my 45 minute aerobic exercise would make such a huge impact on my ability to get pregnant? Its just silly. I think those ovulation tracking kits are more a curse than a blessing. Knowing its actually very possible to get pregnant at a certain time of the month just makes you stress out over it, and that is probably the worse thing you can do when trying to get pregnant. Its better when you are clueless and it just happens!
Well, I guess for the next two weeks its back to normal for me and my exercise and eating habits. Then I get to see if mother nature has brought my monthly gift to me or not, and if not then I get to pee on a stick! (I know I can pee on a stick like 5 days before my period, but waiting for it is cheaper than doing that every time we try to get preggers... that pink box is under my bathroom sink waiting for me still.) I hope we got the job done this time, I really don't want to wait another month until the hubs is home (he just left yesterday for his 35 day rotation.) And I really don't want to have the next baby in July, a spring due date sounds so much nicer than being 9 months preggers during one of the hottest months of the year. But whatever God's will is I am sure it will happen accordingly. I just have to be patient, and that isn't always that easy. Especially since we put off trying until the timing was more ideal, and now we are past the "ideal" and are like... "happen already!" I would like to have the next one before I turn 35 or at least before my first goes into Kindergarten... or worse, college. Please, Lord... Please?!!!
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Time for a new post
I have been "off the grid" for a bit and was thinking it was time for a new post. I guess I have a good excuse, the passing of my Mom, so I don't have any apologies to make. However, there is no "juicy" news to report. But I will give this a shot for you all. Let's see what happens...
There is an "up side" to my Mom's passing... my husband came home early. He left work, they were slow anyway, after only a week or so of being there. So he has been home since the beginning of July and isn't leaving until next week. So almost two whole months home! YAY!! Its been really nice having extra time with him home. I am going to miss the extra help with KD, she is turning two in October but her "terrible twos" have arrived early. For about a week we were putting her in a time out a couple times a day! We are lucky she is as good natured as she is. But still, it can get difficult at times, especially when I have to deal with it by myself for a month!
Another "up side" is that we are now able to replace our roof, which has been falling apart for a few years, using the money that was left to me by my Mom. Without it honestly I don't know when we were going to be able to do the roof, and its been a concern of mine for a while. We had eaves that were disintegrating from termite damage, a few small leaks that were making water spots on the ceiling when it rained, and when the Santa Ana wind season came around we usually lost a tile or two. So, thanks Mom! I think she would be happy to know we have used her money to keep her family safe and sound. If she had been rich in life I am sure she would have loved to do that for us while she was alive. Right now the tiles on my roof are all torn off, they replaced all the rotting rafters and eaves today, tomorrow they are putting the plywood in. Next week we get the new tiles installed. Oh... another great thing we got to get done is tear out the rotting/ dead Olive tree we had. It was causing damage to our roof as well, with bug infestation and moisture etc. So we get to put a new tree in and I am getting a Willow tree like I always wanted... well, actually a Peppermint Willow. And when JD gets back after his next rotation we will have the house painted. The stucco has been falling off and is cracked in some places, and is this horrible pink color. I can't wait to see that done. Its not as important as the roof, so I don't mind waiting... but I am so excited to see that paint color go and get the stucco fixed. (FYI: We are painting the house a lovely light sage green color. It will be nice.)
One thing I was HOPING would be another benefit of JD coming home earlier is a chance to get pregnant. We had two very clear chances to get me knocked up (usually he is coming home or leaving right around the time I am ovulating.) But alas, neither time it took. So we have to give it another try before he leaves... while I am in the midst of an ovulation cycle. I don't have that big of hopes of it working this time if it hasn't worked the other two times and we had more time to "cover all the bases," if you will. But then again, who knows? We were not to keen on the idea of getting pregnant during this next opportunity because it would land the due date around our Anniversary date in May, and we really wanted to keep the time for our self and not have a kid that we needed to spend money and attention on instead of each other. But I was checking out the time frame for when he is home again and our next chance and the due date lands in early July, which will be one year after my Mom's passing and my birthday month (I'm July 13th). Her birthday was also July 9th, so I am like... "wouldn't that be weird if the next kid was born on my Mom's birthday?" So I figured we might as well give this round a shot, its not like either option is the "ideal" situation, but I would prefer the Anniversary connection and avoid having a baby that is a reminder of my Mom's death every time I celebrate their birthday. And perhaps it would not be that bad, but still... not that exciting of an option. Plus I was hoping to be pregnant during the cooler part of the year and not be 9 months preggers in the hottest part of the year. I was in the 2nd trimester with KD during the summer months and it was not fun. Anyways, I am not holding my breath or counting on this working this round... but I am somewhat hopeful, or I wouldn't even be trying.
As for my Aunt, which I have been writing about in previous posts, she is STILL in the hospital. Not much improvment, but at least she isn't getting any worse. She still has the halo-brace on and breathing with the help of a tube, and she is going to have that brace on for at least another month or two. They think at least 6 months she will need it on, and she got in her car accident at the end of March. When I visit her she is asleep most of the time, and I hate to wake her! It tires her out when they try to sit her up and give her a little physical therapy and I feel like she needs the sleep. What is really difficult is that we haven't told her that her sister, my Mom, is gone. She drifts in and out and sometimes doesn't seem to recognize her own family, so we don't think its wise to tell her what has happened until she is more alert and stabilized. I am not looking forward to that conversation... "About four months ago your sister passed away..." or however long its been when we tell her. Not going to be fun. I am hoping that when we tell her it won't break her heart and cause her to not progress as she should. My Mom, my Aunt, and I were all very close. We have all been there for each other through thick and thin, so it will be hard for me to talk about it with her. My Aunt is like a second Mom to me, if she were to also die I think my heart couldn't take it. I would curl up in a little ball and just cry for days... months... I don't know what I would do! I guess having KD and JD in my life would keep me going, but it would be hard.
I am praying that my Aunt will be fully recovered before my next baby is born. She was there when KD was born and was such a big help! She arrived with my Mom just in the nick of time to help me through the worst part of the labor and all the pushing. And my Aunt was a labor and delivery nurse, so she helped me with my breathing and managing the contractions in a way that was AMAZING! Plus the Doctor didn't even make it in time, it was her and the nurse at the hospital that delivered KD!!! I always felt comforted by the thought that even if JD was flying or out of town when the big day arrived at least I had her to be there for me. So, in a way... the longer it takes for me to get pregnant the better, more of a chance that she will be there. It would mean a lot to have her there for my second baby delivery for so many reasons, not just the "nurse" part of her background, but also what she means to me personally. My whole life I have always looked up to my Aunt and wanted to be just like her. She is such a wonderful and loving person, so giving and so godly. She is just the most wonderful person and I am so privileged to be related to her and be able to call her my Auntie. She is very special. I really hope she gets through this difficult time as quickly as possible. She must be so miserable lying there in the hospital with that big metal brace on her head and wishing she was home.
Well, that's enough sad thoughts for one night. I will continue to look at the positives in my life and move ahead with a smile on my face. I know all things will work out and that God will take care of me and my loved ones. He has so far! :) I am very blessed.
There is an "up side" to my Mom's passing... my husband came home early. He left work, they were slow anyway, after only a week or so of being there. So he has been home since the beginning of July and isn't leaving until next week. So almost two whole months home! YAY!! Its been really nice having extra time with him home. I am going to miss the extra help with KD, she is turning two in October but her "terrible twos" have arrived early. For about a week we were putting her in a time out a couple times a day! We are lucky she is as good natured as she is. But still, it can get difficult at times, especially when I have to deal with it by myself for a month!
Another "up side" is that we are now able to replace our roof, which has been falling apart for a few years, using the money that was left to me by my Mom. Without it honestly I don't know when we were going to be able to do the roof, and its been a concern of mine for a while. We had eaves that were disintegrating from termite damage, a few small leaks that were making water spots on the ceiling when it rained, and when the Santa Ana wind season came around we usually lost a tile or two. So, thanks Mom! I think she would be happy to know we have used her money to keep her family safe and sound. If she had been rich in life I am sure she would have loved to do that for us while she was alive. Right now the tiles on my roof are all torn off, they replaced all the rotting rafters and eaves today, tomorrow they are putting the plywood in. Next week we get the new tiles installed. Oh... another great thing we got to get done is tear out the rotting/ dead Olive tree we had. It was causing damage to our roof as well, with bug infestation and moisture etc. So we get to put a new tree in and I am getting a Willow tree like I always wanted... well, actually a Peppermint Willow. And when JD gets back after his next rotation we will have the house painted. The stucco has been falling off and is cracked in some places, and is this horrible pink color. I can't wait to see that done. Its not as important as the roof, so I don't mind waiting... but I am so excited to see that paint color go and get the stucco fixed. (FYI: We are painting the house a lovely light sage green color. It will be nice.)
One thing I was HOPING would be another benefit of JD coming home earlier is a chance to get pregnant. We had two very clear chances to get me knocked up (usually he is coming home or leaving right around the time I am ovulating.) But alas, neither time it took. So we have to give it another try before he leaves... while I am in the midst of an ovulation cycle. I don't have that big of hopes of it working this time if it hasn't worked the other two times and we had more time to "cover all the bases," if you will. But then again, who knows? We were not to keen on the idea of getting pregnant during this next opportunity because it would land the due date around our Anniversary date in May, and we really wanted to keep the time for our self and not have a kid that we needed to spend money and attention on instead of each other. But I was checking out the time frame for when he is home again and our next chance and the due date lands in early July, which will be one year after my Mom's passing and my birthday month (I'm July 13th). Her birthday was also July 9th, so I am like... "wouldn't that be weird if the next kid was born on my Mom's birthday?" So I figured we might as well give this round a shot, its not like either option is the "ideal" situation, but I would prefer the Anniversary connection and avoid having a baby that is a reminder of my Mom's death every time I celebrate their birthday. And perhaps it would not be that bad, but still... not that exciting of an option. Plus I was hoping to be pregnant during the cooler part of the year and not be 9 months preggers in the hottest part of the year. I was in the 2nd trimester with KD during the summer months and it was not fun. Anyways, I am not holding my breath or counting on this working this round... but I am somewhat hopeful, or I wouldn't even be trying.
As for my Aunt, which I have been writing about in previous posts, she is STILL in the hospital. Not much improvment, but at least she isn't getting any worse. She still has the halo-brace on and breathing with the help of a tube, and she is going to have that brace on for at least another month or two. They think at least 6 months she will need it on, and she got in her car accident at the end of March. When I visit her she is asleep most of the time, and I hate to wake her! It tires her out when they try to sit her up and give her a little physical therapy and I feel like she needs the sleep. What is really difficult is that we haven't told her that her sister, my Mom, is gone. She drifts in and out and sometimes doesn't seem to recognize her own family, so we don't think its wise to tell her what has happened until she is more alert and stabilized. I am not looking forward to that conversation... "About four months ago your sister passed away..." or however long its been when we tell her. Not going to be fun. I am hoping that when we tell her it won't break her heart and cause her to not progress as she should. My Mom, my Aunt, and I were all very close. We have all been there for each other through thick and thin, so it will be hard for me to talk about it with her. My Aunt is like a second Mom to me, if she were to also die I think my heart couldn't take it. I would curl up in a little ball and just cry for days... months... I don't know what I would do! I guess having KD and JD in my life would keep me going, but it would be hard.
I am praying that my Aunt will be fully recovered before my next baby is born. She was there when KD was born and was such a big help! She arrived with my Mom just in the nick of time to help me through the worst part of the labor and all the pushing. And my Aunt was a labor and delivery nurse, so she helped me with my breathing and managing the contractions in a way that was AMAZING! Plus the Doctor didn't even make it in time, it was her and the nurse at the hospital that delivered KD!!! I always felt comforted by the thought that even if JD was flying or out of town when the big day arrived at least I had her to be there for me. So, in a way... the longer it takes for me to get pregnant the better, more of a chance that she will be there. It would mean a lot to have her there for my second baby delivery for so many reasons, not just the "nurse" part of her background, but also what she means to me personally. My whole life I have always looked up to my Aunt and wanted to be just like her. She is such a wonderful and loving person, so giving and so godly. She is just the most wonderful person and I am so privileged to be related to her and be able to call her my Auntie. She is very special. I really hope she gets through this difficult time as quickly as possible. She must be so miserable lying there in the hospital with that big metal brace on her head and wishing she was home.
Well, that's enough sad thoughts for one night. I will continue to look at the positives in my life and move ahead with a smile on my face. I know all things will work out and that God will take care of me and my loved ones. He has so far! :) I am very blessed.
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Out of the Blue
This morning I woke up, got my baby up, prepared her breakfast and while I was waiting for my Eggos to be toasted I got a phone call. This is not the phone call you ever want to get out of the blue. I was not expecting this at all. I was told that my Mom was being taken to the Emergency Room and had just been resuscitated. I was in shock, didn't know what was going on and neither did they.
It was my Mom's apartment manager that called. She lives in a retired community home. Someone below her unit heard running water for quite a while and got concerned. The manager said they found her on the floor of the bathroom passed out, not breathing. The paramedics came, were able to get her breathing and rushed her off to the ER. I was told that was 5 minutes ago when I received the call. I waited about 10 minutes while I tried to process the information I just heard over the phone, and started to mentally prepare myself for the worse. I called the ER and the Doctor got on the phone, he said they were currently working on her. Her heart was faintly beating and he said he wasn't sure if she was going to make it and to come to the ER right away. I unfortunately live about an hour away from my Mom, so rushing to the ER to see her before she passed would be difficult. I just was hoping that by some miracle she would either pull through or I would be able to say to her one last time, "I love you" before she passed on. But I was prepared for the worse.
When I finally arrived to the ER they had me wait while they made sure it was okay to go back to see her. The receptionist told me I could go in and see her. She said she was down the hall to the right, bed 12. I was thinking, "She's in a bed, that's good. Perhaps that means she is in recovery." But when I got to the room and pulled back the curtain there was no nurse or Doctor in there with her, she was still strapped to the gurney, her eyes were slightly open, she had tubes in her mouth, she had no top on... I was with my Mother-in-law (my husband, the pilot, is in Dubai at this point.) I asked her, "Is she still alive?" I reached out to touch my Mom's wrist and check for a pulse, and I knew as soon as I touched her that she was gone. I almost didn't want to believe it. I looked at her eyes closely and touched her forehead. Here eyes were vacant. No life at all. I held her hand, and stroked her arm, and the words that came out of my mouth were, "I'm sorry Mommy, I am so sorry." As I looked at her I saw that her spirit was gone, and all of a sudden this body in front of me was no longer my mother to me, it was an empty shell where she had once resided while here on earth. I can't explain it any better than that. It was very strange. I couldn't look at her face any more after that, it was too sad and empty. She was gone already, there was no one there to say goodbye to. I had missed that opportunity to say goodbye to her before she passed away.
I turned and my Mother-in-law held me and we cried. I said, "I am so thankful that she believed in Jesus and that she is in Heaven right now." I truly believe that. If you are saved, a Christian, our home is not here on earth, it is in Heaven. Where there is no pain, no imperfect bodies that keep us down, no sadness, just the presence of God, and Love. It almost made me envious to think that she was there in such a happy place and I was still here on this imperfect globe, earth. The last couple years she had been suffering in her earthly body. She was bi-polar and in late 2007 her medication became toxic to her body, after being on it for over 30 years. She was put into a mental hospital and her mind never fully recovered to its previous state of function. I could tell it frustrated her that it hadn't improved that much since then. She had bad knees, stiff hands, and recently diagnosed with Diabetes. She was unable to handle her own mail and paperwork or tasks that took more than a couple steps. So, although she was still my mother, and I loved her dearly, she wasn't the woman I had known for the past 33 years of my life. So I am glad her suffering is over and she is in Heaven, fully functional and clear headed and has no worries. My Aunt, in the hospital, is her sister... and she doesn't need to worry about her anymore. She has no worries any more. That is what is joyous.
What saddens me is that I had planned to pick her up this weekend to spend the weekend with me and visit with her granddaughter. Her birthday was coming up, and I thought the best present would be to give her time with her family. In fact yesterday I thought about calling her to see how she was doing and to remind her that I was coming this Saturday morning for her. I know she gets lonely. She lived alone, although she had some wonderful neighbors and friends where she lived she got lonesome. It had been a few weeks since I had made a trip to her place. The last time I had free time to visit anyone I went to see my Aunt in the hospital. These thoughts of, "I should have made time last week to see her, since I haven't been over for a while." and "I should have called her yesterday when she was on my mind." kind of haunt you a bit when someone passes. But I know she knew I loved her. She often told me, "You are so good to me, you are a wonderful daughter." And I did call her several times a week, and held the phone up for KD to talk to her Grandma. They would chat and KD would say all her new words and my Mom would be so delighted to hear her talking to her over the phone. I know that made her day when I did that. So I don't have any regrets about her not knowing how much I loved her or cared for her.
Later today I thought to my self, "Why was my response to her 'I'm sorry'?" What was I sorry about? I think first of all, that I wasn't there in time to say goodbye before she died. Even if she wasn't fully conscious, I think it would have been nice for her to have family around her when she passed from this life to the next. And then I was also sorry she was alone, that she was lonely where she lived... even though she had friends and I would come to visit. Its sad to be a single person, no spouse, no roommate or relative living with you, and to just be on the floor alone waiting for someone to find you. Such a lonely picture. Also I am sorry that she was on that gurney half naked with no dignity. (My Mother-in-law grabbed a sheet right away and covered her up, that was nice of her to do.) Such a shock to walk in and see her like that. It wasn't that I felt it was shameful, or something like that... that she was half naked, just sad. But the fact that she was about to take a shower was good news to me. When she was depressed she didn't take care of herself, she didn't like to shower. But when she felt good she would take a shower. So I imagine that she was feeling positive about life, had hope that her sister would pull through and looking forward to her weekend with her daughter and granddaughter. That's good. The last time I spoke with her she was very happy sounding.
Thankfully my husband was able to leave work and come home. He is on a plane right now, on his way home. Also, one of my brothers (the more level headed and calm one of the two) is coming over from the East coast to help me sort the details out for the funeral and go through her apartment with me. I am happy for that. And my two very dearest friends in the world both dropped what they were doing as soon as I was on my way to the hospital, to be there for me. They ended up being very helpful, watching KD while I made calls and received calls, they went grocery shopping for me and cooked me dinner, made some meals to have in my fridge for later, watched KD while I took a nap. They are the best! They loved my Mom very much too, so its nice to have people around you that love you and love the person you are mourning, and can help you remember good things about them. I thank God for all my friends and family. They are so wonderful!
I will miss you, Mom. I am happy you are in a better place, and are whole again.
It was my Mom's apartment manager that called. She lives in a retired community home. Someone below her unit heard running water for quite a while and got concerned. The manager said they found her on the floor of the bathroom passed out, not breathing. The paramedics came, were able to get her breathing and rushed her off to the ER. I was told that was 5 minutes ago when I received the call. I waited about 10 minutes while I tried to process the information I just heard over the phone, and started to mentally prepare myself for the worse. I called the ER and the Doctor got on the phone, he said they were currently working on her. Her heart was faintly beating and he said he wasn't sure if she was going to make it and to come to the ER right away. I unfortunately live about an hour away from my Mom, so rushing to the ER to see her before she passed would be difficult. I just was hoping that by some miracle she would either pull through or I would be able to say to her one last time, "I love you" before she passed on. But I was prepared for the worse.
When I finally arrived to the ER they had me wait while they made sure it was okay to go back to see her. The receptionist told me I could go in and see her. She said she was down the hall to the right, bed 12. I was thinking, "She's in a bed, that's good. Perhaps that means she is in recovery." But when I got to the room and pulled back the curtain there was no nurse or Doctor in there with her, she was still strapped to the gurney, her eyes were slightly open, she had tubes in her mouth, she had no top on... I was with my Mother-in-law (my husband, the pilot, is in Dubai at this point.) I asked her, "Is she still alive?" I reached out to touch my Mom's wrist and check for a pulse, and I knew as soon as I touched her that she was gone. I almost didn't want to believe it. I looked at her eyes closely and touched her forehead. Here eyes were vacant. No life at all. I held her hand, and stroked her arm, and the words that came out of my mouth were, "I'm sorry Mommy, I am so sorry." As I looked at her I saw that her spirit was gone, and all of a sudden this body in front of me was no longer my mother to me, it was an empty shell where she had once resided while here on earth. I can't explain it any better than that. It was very strange. I couldn't look at her face any more after that, it was too sad and empty. She was gone already, there was no one there to say goodbye to. I had missed that opportunity to say goodbye to her before she passed away.
I turned and my Mother-in-law held me and we cried. I said, "I am so thankful that she believed in Jesus and that she is in Heaven right now." I truly believe that. If you are saved, a Christian, our home is not here on earth, it is in Heaven. Where there is no pain, no imperfect bodies that keep us down, no sadness, just the presence of God, and Love. It almost made me envious to think that she was there in such a happy place and I was still here on this imperfect globe, earth. The last couple years she had been suffering in her earthly body. She was bi-polar and in late 2007 her medication became toxic to her body, after being on it for over 30 years. She was put into a mental hospital and her mind never fully recovered to its previous state of function. I could tell it frustrated her that it hadn't improved that much since then. She had bad knees, stiff hands, and recently diagnosed with Diabetes. She was unable to handle her own mail and paperwork or tasks that took more than a couple steps. So, although she was still my mother, and I loved her dearly, she wasn't the woman I had known for the past 33 years of my life. So I am glad her suffering is over and she is in Heaven, fully functional and clear headed and has no worries. My Aunt, in the hospital, is her sister... and she doesn't need to worry about her anymore. She has no worries any more. That is what is joyous.
What saddens me is that I had planned to pick her up this weekend to spend the weekend with me and visit with her granddaughter. Her birthday was coming up, and I thought the best present would be to give her time with her family. In fact yesterday I thought about calling her to see how she was doing and to remind her that I was coming this Saturday morning for her. I know she gets lonely. She lived alone, although she had some wonderful neighbors and friends where she lived she got lonesome. It had been a few weeks since I had made a trip to her place. The last time I had free time to visit anyone I went to see my Aunt in the hospital. These thoughts of, "I should have made time last week to see her, since I haven't been over for a while." and "I should have called her yesterday when she was on my mind." kind of haunt you a bit when someone passes. But I know she knew I loved her. She often told me, "You are so good to me, you are a wonderful daughter." And I did call her several times a week, and held the phone up for KD to talk to her Grandma. They would chat and KD would say all her new words and my Mom would be so delighted to hear her talking to her over the phone. I know that made her day when I did that. So I don't have any regrets about her not knowing how much I loved her or cared for her.
Later today I thought to my self, "Why was my response to her 'I'm sorry'?" What was I sorry about? I think first of all, that I wasn't there in time to say goodbye before she died. Even if she wasn't fully conscious, I think it would have been nice for her to have family around her when she passed from this life to the next. And then I was also sorry she was alone, that she was lonely where she lived... even though she had friends and I would come to visit. Its sad to be a single person, no spouse, no roommate or relative living with you, and to just be on the floor alone waiting for someone to find you. Such a lonely picture. Also I am sorry that she was on that gurney half naked with no dignity. (My Mother-in-law grabbed a sheet right away and covered her up, that was nice of her to do.) Such a shock to walk in and see her like that. It wasn't that I felt it was shameful, or something like that... that she was half naked, just sad. But the fact that she was about to take a shower was good news to me. When she was depressed she didn't take care of herself, she didn't like to shower. But when she felt good she would take a shower. So I imagine that she was feeling positive about life, had hope that her sister would pull through and looking forward to her weekend with her daughter and granddaughter. That's good. The last time I spoke with her she was very happy sounding.
Thankfully my husband was able to leave work and come home. He is on a plane right now, on his way home. Also, one of my brothers (the more level headed and calm one of the two) is coming over from the East coast to help me sort the details out for the funeral and go through her apartment with me. I am happy for that. And my two very dearest friends in the world both dropped what they were doing as soon as I was on my way to the hospital, to be there for me. They ended up being very helpful, watching KD while I made calls and received calls, they went grocery shopping for me and cooked me dinner, made some meals to have in my fridge for later, watched KD while I took a nap. They are the best! They loved my Mom very much too, so its nice to have people around you that love you and love the person you are mourning, and can help you remember good things about them. I thank God for all my friends and family. They are so wonderful!
I will miss you, Mom. I am happy you are in a better place, and are whole again.
Monday, June 29, 2009
I NEED sleep!!!
I haven't been able to sleep very much, if at all, for the past three days. I got almost 3 hours of sleep from 4:45 am to 7:30 am this morning, after tossing and turning. I even took some medicine to help me fall asleep. I took a pill at 11:30pm, 12:30am, then two of another type of over the counter sleep medicine three hours later, and then another hour later two melatonin, and then FINALLY felt sleepy enough to drift off to sleep. Tonight we shall see if I get any sleep. Last week I didn't sleep at all through the night, I got up and wandered the house, checked my e-mail and watched TV until 7am. Then my husband got up and I crawled back into bed and slept until 10am. I didn't take ANY sleep medicine that night. Since then I haven't dared not to take anything. I usually take over the counter medicine, but tomorrow I am going to see a Doctor and get a prescription. Because I haven't slept I have a sore throat, and yesterday a cough joined the party. Blah... I don't like coughing, not very conducive for sleep either.
The reasons I am not sleeping may be many and complex. I am not sure what is going on. One reason I can think of is concern for my Aunt in the hospital. A few days ago she coded, they did a "code blue," meaning she wasn't breathing and they had to resuscitate her. I don't like hearing that. It makes me sad to think she could possibly die in the hospital and never get better. I do NOT want that to happen. She is in her 50's, and is a very special person. Everyone in our family looks to her for help and she freely gives of herself to all. She is a pillar of strength when everyone else is falling apart. I guess we are all learning how to do what she does. There are several family members that need help, and we are all learning to do our part now that she is in the hospital. I am happy that we are doing that, and I hope that if she does come home eventually that we won't stop doing our part. She is Type 1 Diabetic, she needs to take care of her own health. And after this accident she may need more of our help for her personally as well. She needs to start taking care of herself first before others, and that's not in her nature.
Another reason for stress is that my husband just left for his 35 day rotation, and he called me... the same day I found out about my Aunt's code blue, and told me he may possibly be gone for two months. They may decide to keep him and send him to training for a new plane, the Gulf Streams. He flies in the Hawkers now. While that is great news if they upgrade him to the Gulf fleet, its horrible news to me. #1 Because he will be gone longer and I already miss him after one week. #2 Because we started "officially trying" for baby number two and I got my period... so we need to try again. And... my period started that day that he told me about the possible extension...the same day I heard about my Aunt.
I was actually very upset that my period came, even though I knew we probably missed our chance. If we had only talked about how we felt about things three days earlier I would probably be pregnant right now. I have been working out to lose weight, and had pretty much decided to wait until the end of this rotation, until the end of July, to try to get pregnant... when he got back (of course). But I have gotten back to my pre-pregnancy weight, and am okay with how I look. I would like another 8 pounds off of me before getting pregnant, but I realized we have very few more chances to actually try when he is home. So... the two months gone thing was really bumming me out. I was hoping to be working on "baking" the next baby in "the oven" now, while he was gone, hee hee... And the timing of his rotations, along with the extra training time, may mean we miss our opportunity in July, August and September! Ugh!!! We should have just started trying earlier and I wouldn't be wondering how this will all turn out and wishing I was pregnant right now. Screw the last 8 pounds, I want a baby! My first will be turning two in October, and I will be turning 34 this July... next month! So I feel that time is of the essence to get going on the second kid. I would like them to be close in age, and I want to have the next one before my 35th birthday. I am sure it will all work out, and I am not in control of these things anyways, so I need to just let it go. But it stressed me out more than I thought it would.
I also am stressing over the fact that its been three nights with little to no sleep. And my family has a history of bi-polar. I know that if my Mom went three nights with no sleep she would become manic, so I am almost waiting to go crazy. And that is crazy! I have been diagnosed with depression, and hypo-mania in the past, but I have been off medication since the end of 2006. My psychiatrist gave me a clean bill of health and said hopefully I wouldn't have to come back and see her after the baby was born (which I didn't) and hopefully would never have to see me again. She took me off my meds so I could get pregnant, and I was doing well without anything. So, yes... I am wondering if I am in a manic state when I am up all night not sleeping. But logic also points out that I do have a lot of things that are putting stress on my life.
When JD is away I go into single-Mom-mode and I end up taking on a lot of extra work and responsibility when he leaves. I have to watch a toddler all day, by myself, no husband to lean on. Its nice when he is home to help out. I don't have to worry about if I need a nap during the day because I didn't get any sleep the night before. I don't have to think about when I need to get up to get the baby, because he likes to get her in the morning and have Daddy and daughter time. He does my laundry, cooks half or more of our dinners, takes care of the lawn, the car, etc. etc. etc. Plus I have someone to cuddle at night when I crawl into bed. He provides a lot of emotional support to me as well, and with my Aunt not doing well recently I could use a hug from him. It would be nice to put my head on his chest and just cry about it all. But I can't.
Well, that is my saga... my story for the day. Its approaching 11pm and I need to take something that will make me sleepy for fear of staying up all night again. I have some nighttime Theraflu hot tea stuff a friend brought me today, with some soup (how sweet, right?) and I may try that. Then there is always NyQuil, that can knock a person out pretty well too. Plus tonight my in-laws have the baby, so I don't have to worry about waking up in the middle of the night or early in the morning to get her. That's great that they offered to do that for me tonight. They took her after her nap this afternoon, I bet they are pooped after running after her for a few hours. Awe, I miss my baby girl! Enough typing, off to bed and to sleep... hopefully.
The reasons I am not sleeping may be many and complex. I am not sure what is going on. One reason I can think of is concern for my Aunt in the hospital. A few days ago she coded, they did a "code blue," meaning she wasn't breathing and they had to resuscitate her. I don't like hearing that. It makes me sad to think she could possibly die in the hospital and never get better. I do NOT want that to happen. She is in her 50's, and is a very special person. Everyone in our family looks to her for help and she freely gives of herself to all. She is a pillar of strength when everyone else is falling apart. I guess we are all learning how to do what she does. There are several family members that need help, and we are all learning to do our part now that she is in the hospital. I am happy that we are doing that, and I hope that if she does come home eventually that we won't stop doing our part. She is Type 1 Diabetic, she needs to take care of her own health. And after this accident she may need more of our help for her personally as well. She needs to start taking care of herself first before others, and that's not in her nature.
Another reason for stress is that my husband just left for his 35 day rotation, and he called me... the same day I found out about my Aunt's code blue, and told me he may possibly be gone for two months. They may decide to keep him and send him to training for a new plane, the Gulf Streams. He flies in the Hawkers now. While that is great news if they upgrade him to the Gulf fleet, its horrible news to me. #1 Because he will be gone longer and I already miss him after one week. #2 Because we started "officially trying" for baby number two and I got my period... so we need to try again. And... my period started that day that he told me about the possible extension...the same day I heard about my Aunt.
I was actually very upset that my period came, even though I knew we probably missed our chance. If we had only talked about how we felt about things three days earlier I would probably be pregnant right now. I have been working out to lose weight, and had pretty much decided to wait until the end of this rotation, until the end of July, to try to get pregnant... when he got back (of course). But I have gotten back to my pre-pregnancy weight, and am okay with how I look. I would like another 8 pounds off of me before getting pregnant, but I realized we have very few more chances to actually try when he is home. So... the two months gone thing was really bumming me out. I was hoping to be working on "baking" the next baby in "the oven" now, while he was gone, hee hee... And the timing of his rotations, along with the extra training time, may mean we miss our opportunity in July, August and September! Ugh!!! We should have just started trying earlier and I wouldn't be wondering how this will all turn out and wishing I was pregnant right now. Screw the last 8 pounds, I want a baby! My first will be turning two in October, and I will be turning 34 this July... next month! So I feel that time is of the essence to get going on the second kid. I would like them to be close in age, and I want to have the next one before my 35th birthday. I am sure it will all work out, and I am not in control of these things anyways, so I need to just let it go. But it stressed me out more than I thought it would.
I also am stressing over the fact that its been three nights with little to no sleep. And my family has a history of bi-polar. I know that if my Mom went three nights with no sleep she would become manic, so I am almost waiting to go crazy. And that is crazy! I have been diagnosed with depression, and hypo-mania in the past, but I have been off medication since the end of 2006. My psychiatrist gave me a clean bill of health and said hopefully I wouldn't have to come back and see her after the baby was born (which I didn't) and hopefully would never have to see me again. She took me off my meds so I could get pregnant, and I was doing well without anything. So, yes... I am wondering if I am in a manic state when I am up all night not sleeping. But logic also points out that I do have a lot of things that are putting stress on my life.
When JD is away I go into single-Mom-mode and I end up taking on a lot of extra work and responsibility when he leaves. I have to watch a toddler all day, by myself, no husband to lean on. Its nice when he is home to help out. I don't have to worry about if I need a nap during the day because I didn't get any sleep the night before. I don't have to think about when I need to get up to get the baby, because he likes to get her in the morning and have Daddy and daughter time. He does my laundry, cooks half or more of our dinners, takes care of the lawn, the car, etc. etc. etc. Plus I have someone to cuddle at night when I crawl into bed. He provides a lot of emotional support to me as well, and with my Aunt not doing well recently I could use a hug from him. It would be nice to put my head on his chest and just cry about it all. But I can't.
Well, that is my saga... my story for the day. Its approaching 11pm and I need to take something that will make me sleepy for fear of staying up all night again. I have some nighttime Theraflu hot tea stuff a friend brought me today, with some soup (how sweet, right?) and I may try that. Then there is always NyQuil, that can knock a person out pretty well too. Plus tonight my in-laws have the baby, so I don't have to worry about waking up in the middle of the night or early in the morning to get her. That's great that they offered to do that for me tonight. They took her after her nap this afternoon, I bet they are pooped after running after her for a few hours. Awe, I miss my baby girl! Enough typing, off to bed and to sleep... hopefully.
Monday, May 25, 2009
More stress! Aghhhh...
My Aunt is back in the ICU. She stopped breathing last week a few days after they took out her trachea breathing tube. They don't know why. But she is holding steady now. I am thankful she is still alive. My Uncle said that she told him she heard her Mom calling to her when she stopped breathing... my Nana is dead. That sent shivers down my spine! And it made me cry. She must have almost died! I'm not sure what happens in those moments between life and death, but I am sure my Nana would be waiting at the threshold of Heaven's door for her beloved daughter. They had a very special connection. My Aunt took care of her during the final years in her own home, before Parkinsons took her life.
Today my 19 month old daughter fell four feet onto her head! We took her to the ER and had a CT scan done, she is fine. She has only the injury on the top of her head, a red rash-like scrape, and nothing else! Amazing! It makes me wonder if I can handle a second child though. I mean, how do you keep your eyes on two children running around when you can't even do that for one? (For details on the incident you can visit my other blog... link to the right. Title is "Unheeded Warning Signs") I had a feeling about something and I didn't follow it. I know now to always listen to those little yellow caution flags waiving in my brain. They seem silly sometimes, but its better to be safe than sorry. To top it off today is also my 7 year anniversary... Happy Anniversary! ha ha.... not quite what I had imagined to celebrate the day. But we are planning on going out tomorrow.
My husband's work has fired a bunch of captains, and now today he heard he is getting a pay cut. That isn't good news. He has been hoping to get a promotion and make MORE... not get less. Since we are thinking of having baby #2 soon we really want to see him get a raise soon. I still hope he makes captain soon. But he is nervous now, they have been really hard on the captains lately and he doesn't want the scrutiny or the pressure. But I think he will be fine. Everyone says he is captain material, and he is a very good pilot. So we will see where things go with that. In the mean time I am still trying to lose 20 lbs before we start trying. The time it takes me to lose the weight buys him some time with work also, hopefully things will iron out in that area before I get pregnant. He will be stressed if I get pregnant and things are not going well with his job. And as we wait to start adding to our family, hopefully KD won't be getting hurt either and causing me to second guess my parenting abilities.
Today my 19 month old daughter fell four feet onto her head! We took her to the ER and had a CT scan done, she is fine. She has only the injury on the top of her head, a red rash-like scrape, and nothing else! Amazing! It makes me wonder if I can handle a second child though. I mean, how do you keep your eyes on two children running around when you can't even do that for one? (For details on the incident you can visit my other blog... link to the right. Title is "Unheeded Warning Signs") I had a feeling about something and I didn't follow it. I know now to always listen to those little yellow caution flags waiving in my brain. They seem silly sometimes, but its better to be safe than sorry. To top it off today is also my 7 year anniversary... Happy Anniversary! ha ha.... not quite what I had imagined to celebrate the day. But we are planning on going out tomorrow.
My husband's work has fired a bunch of captains, and now today he heard he is getting a pay cut. That isn't good news. He has been hoping to get a promotion and make MORE... not get less. Since we are thinking of having baby #2 soon we really want to see him get a raise soon. I still hope he makes captain soon. But he is nervous now, they have been really hard on the captains lately and he doesn't want the scrutiny or the pressure. But I think he will be fine. Everyone says he is captain material, and he is a very good pilot. So we will see where things go with that. In the mean time I am still trying to lose 20 lbs before we start trying. The time it takes me to lose the weight buys him some time with work also, hopefully things will iron out in that area before I get pregnant. He will be stressed if I get pregnant and things are not going well with his job. And as we wait to start adding to our family, hopefully KD won't be getting hurt either and causing me to second guess my parenting abilities.
Friday, May 8, 2009
My Aunt and babies
My Aunt has been moved out of ICU into a regular hospital room, so that is good news. Her recovery time is projected to be 6-9 months. I do not know how long she will be kept in the halo-brace. Her jaw will be wired shut for 3 months. I really feel for her and this long journey ahead of her. I can only hope she will be moved into her home eventually and won't be in the hospital when Christmas comes around. At this point 9 months hits in January 2010! I can't even imagine her being in her condition that long! My goodness!
Thinking about 9 months makes me think about having a baby and my family member who has been trying her 3rd IUI to get pregnant. This week we found out that 3rd try also failed. It breaks my heart that she is going through this rough time. I also didn't want to try for my second until she was pregnant with her first. But the time is coming soon when JD and I will be trying for baby #2. I am trying to lose more weight, so that is still keeping me from starting to try. As soon as I lose at least ten more pounds I will feel ready. I am trying to make that happen by then end of June, and the end of July the latest. I really want to start trying in June, but July may have to be the month. Of course with the pilot hubby's schedule when I am ready may not be when he is home. So, from this point on... whenever he is home we will be having the "should we try this time?" discussion. Because there are times he is home and I am not ovulating. And then there are times he is home and I am in the middle of an ovulation time period. This may be TMI... but that's the way it is when you have a pilot for a husband, and he is gone for 35 days at a time. It's my reality.
It's funny, JD's mom doesn't quite get this... that I am not always "capable" of getting pregnant when he is home. I was explaining to her that sometimes I am ovulating right before he gets home, so by the time he is home our chance is not there. And by the time I am ready again he is leaving, and the chances are not that good. When a woman ovulates is dependent on the frequency of her periods, which are not always a 28 day cycle, I explained to her. I really only have maybe three more chances this entire year to get pregnant, if I look at the times he is home and I am possibly "ripe." I can't be too picky at this point which month the next kid will be born in. I was telling her a few months back that we may try when the due date was February, and she said that isn't a good month because Valentine's Day is that month. And I was like... "Screw that! I don't care... I have to take what I can get if I want to have another kid before another year passes us by!" Of course, then JD and I decided not to try that month anyway. But still, that just irks me. "No. Not February!" OMG really lady, just butt out. Those were my thoughts. She means well, but she gots her head up her you know what sometimes. Of course, I was sharing with her our plans, so I have to expect some feedback.
I hope some miracle happens and my family member gets preggers SOON! That would be such a blessing. I really don't want to look into her eyes one day and say, "I'm pregnant." Knowing that she has been trying for so long with no success. I really would rather hear her say those words to me, like tomorrow would be good. Hee hee. Oh well, what God wills to happen will happen.
Thinking about 9 months makes me think about having a baby and my family member who has been trying her 3rd IUI to get pregnant. This week we found out that 3rd try also failed. It breaks my heart that she is going through this rough time. I also didn't want to try for my second until she was pregnant with her first. But the time is coming soon when JD and I will be trying for baby #2. I am trying to lose more weight, so that is still keeping me from starting to try. As soon as I lose at least ten more pounds I will feel ready. I am trying to make that happen by then end of June, and the end of July the latest. I really want to start trying in June, but July may have to be the month. Of course with the pilot hubby's schedule when I am ready may not be when he is home. So, from this point on... whenever he is home we will be having the "should we try this time?" discussion. Because there are times he is home and I am not ovulating. And then there are times he is home and I am in the middle of an ovulation time period. This may be TMI... but that's the way it is when you have a pilot for a husband, and he is gone for 35 days at a time. It's my reality.
It's funny, JD's mom doesn't quite get this... that I am not always "capable" of getting pregnant when he is home. I was explaining to her that sometimes I am ovulating right before he gets home, so by the time he is home our chance is not there. And by the time I am ready again he is leaving, and the chances are not that good. When a woman ovulates is dependent on the frequency of her periods, which are not always a 28 day cycle, I explained to her. I really only have maybe three more chances this entire year to get pregnant, if I look at the times he is home and I am possibly "ripe." I can't be too picky at this point which month the next kid will be born in. I was telling her a few months back that we may try when the due date was February, and she said that isn't a good month because Valentine's Day is that month. And I was like... "Screw that! I don't care... I have to take what I can get if I want to have another kid before another year passes us by!" Of course, then JD and I decided not to try that month anyway. But still, that just irks me. "No. Not February!" OMG really lady, just butt out. Those were my thoughts. She means well, but she gots her head up her you know what sometimes. Of course, I was sharing with her our plans, so I have to expect some feedback.
I hope some miracle happens and my family member gets preggers SOON! That would be such a blessing. I really don't want to look into her eyes one day and say, "I'm pregnant." Knowing that she has been trying for so long with no success. I really would rather hear her say those words to me, like tomorrow would be good. Hee hee. Oh well, what God wills to happen will happen.
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