Mother's Day Blues

Last week was Mother's Day, it wasn't such a happy day for me. It was the first Mother's Day without my Mom (she passed away July last year). I was okay until I hopped on Facebook and saw everyone's status comments about where they were taking their Mom for dinner or what they were getting or doing for Mother's Day. It just sucked because I realized I have no Mom to buy anything for or to call to wish a Happy Mother's Day, or to take to lunch. And then on top of that my husband is gone this month, so I had no one to do that for me either. I have my 2 1/2 year old and I am pregnant, so its not like I am going to be getting any special treatment from my kids any time soon.

The night before Mother's Day is when it hit me and I started weeping, not just crying... weeping. Unfortunately KD saw me crying and it made her cry. I sunk onto the floor in the hallway as she turned and saw me crying, and then walked toward me and started to cry herself. She sat in my lap and I tried my best to find the words to tell my 2 1/2 year old why her Mommy was crying. I ended up telling her, "I miss my Mommy. She is in Heaven with Jesus." Then I explained that my Mommy was her Grandma Lois and showed her pictures. And for the past week every once in a while she would say, "I sad, I miss Mommy Lois." Such a sweetie. I would say back, "I miss her too, but she is happy. Jesus loves her and is taking care of her. Don't be sad."

On the actual day of Mother's Day I went to choir practice at church and ended up crying through most of the rehearsal. I eventually started cracking jokes to get my mind off the sad thoughts in my mind. The people in the choir are a fun bunch and we like to give each other a hard time. So, I ended up with a smile on my face. A few, of course, did give me hugs and words of encouragement. When I went to pick up KD from Sunday School she handed me a handmade card and a gift back. She said, "I made you this!" and was all proud. She actually said, "Happy Mother's Day," which I didn't think I would be hearing out of her mouth at all. And in the bag was a little candle that they had made in class. When I got home my Mother-in-law gave me some yellow tulips (my favorite) and a homemade card that she and KD had worked on together. The card had a finger painting done by KD on it. And she also gave me some lilies that a friend from church dropped off to give to me. So, my little pity party about having no one to wish me a Mother's Day was very unfounded. And the lilies in memory of my Mother was very touching.

Then my in-laws took me and KD to lunch at Olive Garden, one of my favorite places to eat, and when we got home my Aunt and Uncle were driving down our street! They turned around when they realized I was on my way home. They were visiting friends in a nearby city and on their way back home decided to make a surprise visit. I had almost called my Aunt the night before when I was missing my Mom, she is my Mom's sister and the one who got in a horrible car accident a few months before my Mom passed, but I didn't want to make her sad and cry too. It was so wonderful to see her and talk to her in person, I hadn't seen her for a couple months! She is like a Mother to me and I have missed her terribly. She is such a sweet spirit, I love being around her.

So, I guess Mother's Day ended up not being to horrible after all. But that was rough the night before. Not only did I cry that night in front of my daughter, but I had woken up at 3am and started bawling into my pillow for a while and it was hard to get a good nights sleep. You just never know what is going to hit you and make you miss a loved one. One day I am doing fine and the next something will happen or come up that makes me not only remember her but miss her to my core!

I love you and miss you, Mom. xoxo

Ever Changing News

So... I mentioned in earlier posts about a possible move to Saudi Arabia. And Now I don't think it will happen. If things go down the way my husband thinks they will then I will end up staying at home. Thank the Lord! But we won't know for sure for another couple weeks, at least.

His friend, the newly hired Director of Ops of the new company, is saying that they should be adding more planes than originally projected and will be starting rotations sooner than JD had thought. But its all hinging on a couple decisions that are yet to be solidified, of course. He is hoping to hire some other guy to be the president of the company and I guess this new person effects a lot of these decisions. So I can't say anything for sure about our future situation and where we will be living. But I do know that our goal is to keep the family where we are if at all possible, but not at the sacrifice of being together as much as possible.

If JD gets this new job then he says within a year they should have rotation schedules, which is good. If he is on-call, part of the only crew for the one plane they have so far, then we have no idea when he will be able to fly back home to the states to be with us. Thus the pressure to move us all to Saudi Arabia where he would be based. But, if its going to be less than a year we have to wait for him to get a rotation like he has now, 5 weeks on 4 weeks off, then we don't feel it's prudent to pick up and move us all over with him. What we do need to figure out is how often I will be able to come visit him with the kids and make sure he has a two bedroom home, at least, in his offer so we have a place to stay with him when we go over there. And then I would hope he would occasionally have some time off to come back here for a few weeks in the States. It would royally suck to have him gone that first year with an unpredictable schedule, but we will see how this all plays out.

So many unknowns still. And everything is just talk at this point. Tomorrow, or next week, he could give me a whole different story. I am just praying I don't have to move to Saudi and uproot myself and my kids from friends and family. Every day I think about all the people and things I would miss if we moved. Even just the conveniences and familiar things we have now that we wouldn't have there, like a huge Babies R Us to get all the baby stuff from, or Dairy Queen LOL. Plus there is the fact that we have this awesome dog, Chewie, that we would be leaving behind and I know he would be so depressed if we left him, even if just for a year. And if we left for a long period of time we may have to give him up, and that would be depressing. I would hope we could find someone to take care of him for us while we are away, but there is that possiblity that no one would be willing to do that for us and we would have to find him a new home.

For now I am at least breathing a bit easier and not on edge waiting for the news to come that, "Yes, honey, I got the job and we need to start planning the move to Saudi." I suppose that could still happen, but I sure hope not!

Scheduling Time for Sanity

I have decided, until I know for sure about the move to Saudi and JD's job, I need to make some plans that will keep me sane until the baby is born, and the couple months following. I know for sure we aren't moving until baby boy is born, so why not do something about the here and now?

Recently I have felt more lonely and even bored when JD leaves. Usually I am pretty independent, don't mind the alone time, and even enjoy that at night I can type away on my computer in bed without bothering him, or keep the TV on at a level where I can actually hear my recorded TV shows, and not hear him snoring louder than either of those activities. But I think pregnancy, combined with the fact that I have a very active toddler on my hands, has made me a bit more needy for companionship than usual.

I have put out an "APB" to four Moms to schedule in play dates with me once a week during the 35 day rotations Jason is gone... for the couple months left before baby is due that he is gone and one more rotation that he is gone shortly after the baby is born. For my own sanity I believe this is necessary. I am trying to find a pre-school for KD to attend during the week, and the one that I really want her to go to hasn't gotten back to me yet... and I know there is a waiting list. I also am looking into the local city community guide, that we get in the mail, for some activities I can sign KD up for that will fill her time. I've done one class with her before and she loved it. But besides KD needing some stimulation I need some too! I thought of four Moms that I like to hang out with and talk to that have kids that like to play with KD. So far two have replied and will get back to me with some dates to hang out. That is a good start.

And besides those four Moms I have my in-laws next door. Sometimes they can help out, and sometimes they can't. They aren't retired and have stuff of their own to attend to. But today my MIL called to say she can watch KD from 11:30am to 2pm for me, and the break was nice. So, I can count on her for times I need occasional alone time. And I have a neighbor that I can run over to anytime they are home and their two girls love to play with KD. They are very hospitable. So, I don't have to schedule anything for them really. If I am bored and need to visit with someone I can just walk next door and see if they are home, or call to see if its a good time for a visit. So those are two more people that I have as "flexible" play dates, or people to go to for "me time".

I am also thinking of asking my in-laws if they can take KD for an overnight once a week to give me a break and one night of assured rest. But I may not ask until I really feel I need that. right now its mostly during the day that I need some distractions from the fact that my husband isn't home. I already have a friend lined up for July to come over 4 nights a week and help with dinner and getting KD up in the morning before she goes to work. (I am paying her.) That will be my 8th month of pregnancy. So, perhaps the in-laws can help out that month as well and do the overnight idea. We will see.

Well... that is the plan to keep me sane over the next 4 months and the 2 months following after the baby is born. Sounds like a good one to me :-) Then after that I can think of how to keep my sanity with a new baby and a toddler in Saudi Arabia... YIKES! If that even happens.

More on the Move

So... I've been pondering this move and all the pros and cons that come with moving to Saudi Arabia. And no matter how many cons are stacked against it the pros still are stronger than any con I can come up with.

The pros for my husbands career are blaring at us and are obviously the best thing for him to do... of course he hasn't gotten an official offer yet, and until that happens all my thoughts about this move are still just a practice in theory. And I know if JD could get a job that didn't require him to move us to Saudi he would do it in a second. But no other opportunity is going to be coming our way (as far as we know) that provides us with the income and stability and set him up as wonderfully for his career in the future as this job opportunity will provide. That is a huge part of this whole decision.

The pros for me is that I will see my husband more if I move to Saudi. If I stay in the States I will never know when I will see him, since he won't have a rotation schedule and the times off won't be worth the travel back and forth from California to Saudi. And there is no "pro" that is stronger than keeping the family unit close together. I can't be without my husband indefinitely and I can't do that to our kids either. My kids need their Daddy in their life more than anyone else in the world, including Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, or friends. Even though extended family is a blessing to have around its not the MOST important relationship compared to the one with their own Daddy.

I can think of a hundred things in a day that I would miss doing, or having, or people I would miss seeing, but nothing can keep me here over being with my husband. That is the bottom line for me. There is no other choice to make but to move to Saudi. So, no matter how uncomfortable it may be, or what sacrifices I will have to make, I have to do it. I just simply HAVE to. And I am not unhappy about that either. I am not bitter about it. I am actually at peace about that decision. It feels right in my bones, in my gut... and the same goes for JD.

So, for now... we wait. But I really think that this job offer will come by the end of the year and the move by the first couple months of next year the latest. I hate waiting for life changing news, this is going to stink. But I suppose the longer the wait for the offer the more time we have to research things and to get questions answered as they pop up and to be prepared. But... I still hate waiting ;-)

Possible Move

I know I am not the first pilot's wife to have to consider the real possibility of uprooting from my home and move to a foreign country, but its all new to me. JD may be getting a new job in the next few months that would require us all to move to Saudi Arabia. That would be quite a change! Not my first choice in foreign countries to live in either.

He is working for a company that is in that area already, but he has a rotation of 35 days working and 30 days home, so it didn't make any sense to uproot me and the family when he is pretty much home half the time. This new job wouldn't have more than one crew to man the one plane they have, so he would be on call and therefore no rotation schedule. The good thing is that a good friend of his has accepted the Director of Operations position there, so he is second in command. And that means he would be hiring JD and negotiating his contract, so we would be taken care of and not have to worry about the horrible politics that are going on with his current company. Plus, his current company seem to not be doing too well financially and who knows how secure his job or pay or current rotation schedule would be if he stayed? And the new company is just starting up, so JD would be on the top of the seniority list, and that is always a good thing.

But this is such a new thing for me that I had a million questions about what it would be like if we moved. I don't like the idea of leaving friends and family and all the comforts of home, but we are talking about it being only a year to 3 years at most. So, really... its short term. He would get great experience in a bigger plane and a possible future move to management within the company, when they need a training captain. This would make him very marketable here in the USA. That is all good stuff. And I suppose if I have to suck it up for a few years in the best interest of our family and JD's career I will do it. What's most important is my family being together as much as possible and to look towards the future and do what will benefit us the most there as well.

Too many things going through my brain to process and write down. I will have to write more later when it all congeals a bit more.

It's a......!!

Saturday night we had our "Baby Gender Reveal Party" and I found out the gender of my baby finally. JD found out last Monday at the ultrasound and decided on a way to surprise me at the party. He was actually quite clever about it. And while waiting to find out the news, and as all our friends were asking, "Do you know the sex yet?" I felt like I was in labor and everyone was in the waiting room or sitting by the phone to find out if it's a boy or a girl.

We had dinner with family and then waited for some of our close friends to come over later (they had other plans that kept them from arriving for dinner). They had some late dinner and then finally everyone had eaten and I motioned to JD to get the ball rolling. He handed me a pen and a paper and passed out eggs to our guests that he had put either a pink ring or a blue ring into. I kept a tally of how many pink vs. how many blue rings there were as people opened their eggs. JD had enough for a couple rounds, so the second round I got really confused because some people started telling me both colors they had gotten and I had no idea what color that had given me first. JD was very pleased at the confusion. He asked me how many I had of each, I showed 9 blue and 10 pink, he said there should be 9 blue and 9 pink. Then he handed KD, our two year old, the final egg that would reveal the gender.

When she opened the egg I called her over to see what color the ring was, when I looked in her hands she was holding a toy airplane, not a ring. Most people were like, "What does that mean?" But I knew it meant we are having a boy. I said, "It's a boy!" and everyone got all excited and cheered. My Dad was actually the only other one who got the plane reference as meaning specifically "boy." My friends were confused by the color, it looked blue and pink and yellow in the lighting we had, and they were looking for something either blue or pink. So it was perfect, the way the whole thing happened. Everyone was in anticipation, got confused, didn't know what was going on, and in the end I was the one who got to break the news to everyone.


Isn't my husband clever? I loved how it all happened. All my fears about hearing "boy" or "girl" and if I was going to feel any disappiointment didn't happen. And the surprise element was definitely there and a close second to finding out on the day of the baby's birth. I am happy we have our boy, I know my husband was really wanting a boy and I don't plan on getting pregnant again, I am done at two. So, this way I know we are both happy, I got my girl first, then he got his boy. And now, as they say, we have a "perfect set." haha... like we are buying a salt and pepper shaker set. But I must say I am very happy to have one of each gender. I feel like we are really done with having kids and there is no question as to whether we should try for another child later. It feels like our family is very complete and well balanced. God has blessed us.

My Husband Has a Secret

On Monday my husband, my daughter, and I went to the ultrasound appointment for baby. KD enjoyed seeing the baby on the screen, but got a bit squirmy after a few minutes. JD was dying to know the gender of the baby so we told the technician to let him know but not me. At the end of the ultrasound she wrote it down on a piece of paper for him. She handed me a pic of the baby's face, a front view that looked like a skull, or an alien, and not much like a baby. I don't know why she thought that would make a good keepsake, but JD did notice the baby never really got into a good position for a side pic. And then she handed him a full body pic with the baby front faced still, looked like a skull and a belly and some folded legs. But he quickly pocketed it, saying I may be able to tell what the sex of the baby is if I look at it. That made me think it must be a boy, but I really wasn't ready for the news yet. So I tried to push that out of my mind.

This Saturday we will be throwing the "Baby Gender Reveal Party" and I will know for sure at that point. JD is thinking of another idea of how to break the news to me, so it may not be a present wrapped up for a boy or a girl, as I had thought I was going to get. Should be interesting. All I get to plan is the decorations and the food, the revealing part is up to him. He said he ran his idea by a few people to see if it was a good idea and everyone likes it so far. I don't care how he does it, as long as I know in the end. I am just preparing myself for the news to go either way. I think its a boy at this point, but if the news comes out that its a girl I don't want to feel disappointed. So, I am trying to be open minded to the idea of a girl still.

In other news, today KD decided to throw the fit of all fits and I am so glad JD was home to help me handle the situation. I think it happened due to poor sleep patterns over the past few days and the fact that last night was the first night she had her Binky (pacifier) taken away overnight. And due to the fact that she hasn't been wanting to eat much. She was having a mini fit this morning over the fact that she wanted to wear her pajamas all day and we told her no because we were going to meet her Auntie for lunch. She was okay when we left and during lunch she did fine, but while we were waiting for the check I took her to the arcade area in the restaurant (they had a few games in the lobby). When her Daddy and Auntie came over to tell us we were ready to go she didn't want to leave. But I picked her up and took her out anyways, after a few warnings to say goodbye to the games and leave on her own. In the car she had a full melt down over not getting her way. She was hitting herself in the face, slapping her arms and legs and kicking her feet. I had to sit in the back next to her and hold her hands to her side so she would stop doing that. We told her she was getting a time out when she got home and a spanking if she kept up the hitting. It just got worse and worse during the 20 minute ride home and she was turning red and screaming. At home it was a battle just to keep her in the time out and she got a spanking at one point when she got up and ran around the house to get away from her time out.

Yes, it was a full on def-con 5 level tantrum. JD was great with her. Towards the end of her time out he just held her and walked around the house until it was done. Then we went into soothing mode to calm her down and I got her some fruit snacks and some milk to get some food in her. She was due for a nap soon, and we knew that is what she really needed. After a two hour nap she woke up smiling and back to her cuddly self. She even ate pretty well during dinner. She is now asleep without her Binky again for the 2nd night in a row, I just hope she sleeps well and doesn't get up at 3am like she has been. We are able to get her back to sleep again after she wakes up, but I think that the disruption in her sleep isn't good for her. Anyways, so far so good... she hasn't woken up crying (like last night, from 9:30pm to 11:30pm where she cried every time I left her room). I just hope this behavior gets out of her system before the baby arrives. Its exhausting!