Sunday, May 16, 2010

Mother's Day Blues

Last week was Mother's Day, it wasn't such a happy day for me. It was the first Mother's Day without my Mom (she passed away July last year). I was okay until I hopped on Facebook and saw everyone's status comments about where they were taking their Mom for dinner or what they were getting or doing for Mother's Day. It just sucked because I realized I have no Mom to buy anything for or to call to wish a Happy Mother's Day, or to take to lunch. And then on top of that my husband is gone this month, so I had no one to do that for me either. I have my 2 1/2 year old and I am pregnant, so its not like I am going to be getting any special treatment from my kids any time soon.

The night before Mother's Day is when it hit me and I started weeping, not just crying... weeping. Unfortunately KD saw me crying and it made her cry. I sunk onto the floor in the hallway as she turned and saw me crying, and then walked toward me and started to cry herself. She sat in my lap and I tried my best to find the words to tell my 2 1/2 year old why her Mommy was crying. I ended up telling her, "I miss my Mommy. She is in Heaven with Jesus." Then I explained that my Mommy was her Grandma Lois and showed her pictures. And for the past week every once in a while she would say, "I sad, I miss Mommy Lois." Such a sweetie. I would say back, "I miss her too, but she is happy. Jesus loves her and is taking care of her. Don't be sad."

On the actual day of Mother's Day I went to choir practice at church and ended up crying through most of the rehearsal. I eventually started cracking jokes to get my mind off the sad thoughts in my mind. The people in the choir are a fun bunch and we like to give each other a hard time. So, I ended up with a smile on my face. A few, of course, did give me hugs and words of encouragement. When I went to pick up KD from Sunday School she handed me a handmade card and a gift back. She said, "I made you this!" and was all proud. She actually said, "Happy Mother's Day," which I didn't think I would be hearing out of her mouth at all. And in the bag was a little candle that they had made in class. When I got home my Mother-in-law gave me some yellow tulips (my favorite) and a homemade card that she and KD had worked on together. The card had a finger painting done by KD on it. And she also gave me some lilies that a friend from church dropped off to give to me. So, my little pity party about having no one to wish me a Mother's Day was very unfounded. And the lilies in memory of my Mother was very touching.

Then my in-laws took me and KD to lunch at Olive Garden, one of my favorite places to eat, and when we got home my Aunt and Uncle were driving down our street! They turned around when they realized I was on my way home. They were visiting friends in a nearby city and on their way back home decided to make a surprise visit. I had almost called my Aunt the night before when I was missing my Mom, she is my Mom's sister and the one who got in a horrible car accident a few months before my Mom passed, but I didn't want to make her sad and cry too. It was so wonderful to see her and talk to her in person, I hadn't seen her for a couple months! She is like a Mother to me and I have missed her terribly. She is such a sweet spirit, I love being around her.

So, I guess Mother's Day ended up not being to horrible after all. But that was rough the night before. Not only did I cry that night in front of my daughter, but I had woken up at 3am and started bawling into my pillow for a while and it was hard to get a good nights sleep. You just never know what is going to hit you and make you miss a loved one. One day I am doing fine and the next something will happen or come up that makes me not only remember her but miss her to my core!

I love you and miss you, Mom. xoxo

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