I had my first dream about my future baby a few nights ago. I am just starting into my 2nd trimester now and there is an ultrasound coming up at the end of March (around week 19) that may confirm if we are having a boy or a girl. Apparently my subconscious thinks I am having a boy. In my dream that is what I had.
It was a strange dream. At first I thought I was having two babies, and then I realized I was only having one baby. But I was in the hospital for some reason and had to be put under. When I woke up from whatever surgery I had to undergo I had my baby sitting in front of me. I was like, "Wow! There is my baby! What happened?" I was told that they had to take the baby out early. I had a healthy baby boy and he was chubby and cherub like with blonde hair and light green eyes. I said, "He's a big baby for being born early. He is only 20 weeks!" And the nurse said, "Yes he is big for 20 weeks." He was sitting upright in my dream and I could see his chubby legs and cute little face. Weird how dreams are. There is no way I would have a chubby, healthy baby if they took him out at 20 weeks. But there you have it.
When I was pregnant with KD I had a dream about her birth too. In that dream I was on a couch and all my family was crowded around me and I refused to push her out until Jason got there. I was looking for him and very perturbed that he wasn't there yet. When he got there and I pushed she came out in what looked like a mailing tube... LOL. And I pushed her through the tube with my hand and then she expanded, like those toys that are sponges and you add water and watch them expand. And she went from infant to a toddler in a few seconds. In that dream she was standing up in her crib and looking at me, she had curly reddish brown hair and blue eyes. What is interesting is that she had reddish brown hair when she was born, although it is blonde now. And she has blue eyes and a little curl to her hair too, not as much as in the dream. Makes me wonder if my dream about the boy will come true. JD has light hazel eyes, he says to KD that they are green all the time.. but they are more like the color of honey. So perhaps that is where I got the light green thought from. So, perhaps we will have a boy with JD's eye color this time. (KD has the color of my Mom's eyes. I have brown eyes, the color of my Maternal Grandmother's eyes. My Dad has light blue eyes.) Anyways... just a few interesting thoughts. It's fun to dream about my future baby.
What IS NOT fun is genetics testing. I was going to write about this a few days ago when we found out some news. But now JD and I are kinda over it. But what happened is we got a first trimester blood screen done by a genetics center and my chances went from 1 in 384 of having a baby with Down Syndrome to 1 in 68. Its because I will be 35 when this baby is born that the statistics are worse than what I had with KD. The number scared JD and he was stressing out. I wasn't worried that much about it, but his concern transferred to me a bit. But when we were told about the tests that can be done, there is one that takes placenta tissue to figure out if your baby actually has Downs and the Amnioscentesis that can be done later, I didn't want to do the first test because that has a 1 in 100 chance of a miscarriage. The Amnio isn't as bad, a 1 in 400 chance, but I was thinking about it and I told JD that it seemed silly to even do the test and chance a miscarriage when we both agree that if the child does have Downs we wouldn't terminate the pregnancy. He was like, "NO... we wouldn't terminate it, but it would be nice to know and to prepare." I wasn't convinced it was necessary to know 100% beforehand, and to freak out over a number like a 1 in 68 chance, or to introduce a chance of a miscarriage to a baby that I would be distraught over if I lost it just because I wanted to know "for sure." So we waited to see the OBGYN and get his opinion.
The Doctor thought the way I did. He asked, "If you did the Amnio and found out the baby has Downs Syndrome what would you do about it?" He then said, "If you wouldn't terminate the pregnancy then there is no point to performing the procedure." I agreed and the only thing JD was thinking was that it would be nice to know ahead of time to prepare and be sure. The Doctor said that if the baby is born with Downs there would be plenty of support and information given to us to be able to properly take care of our baby and there isn't much pre-planning that one can do beforehand. So, that settled the issue for both of us. Plus, the Doctor said that chances are we will have a perfectly healthy baby and the genetics testing just freaked us out for no reason. I agree.
I think if I were to do it over again I would tell them to go ahead and test for the more detrimental genetic problems, like the ones that would show your baby is going to die within 3 months of birth due to a lack of a certain gene, and to leave the info on the Downs out of the picture. Even if they had to do the test I wouldn't want to know the results. I know there is a higher risk as I get older for me having a baby with Downs Syndrome, but I don't need to know my statistical number. There is still a greater chance for me to have a normally healthy baby than for me to have a Downs baby. And even if I have a Downs baby there is no way I would love him or her any less. I already love this baby! Plus, having the Amnio doesn't tell you how severe the Downs is. There is such a large spectrum of mild to severe problems that come with that, you wouldn't even be able to know until they are born, or even until they were older and could have their I.Q. tested. And Downs people are so sweet and good natured. I think I would be able to handle it if I had a kid with DS. If that is what God chooses to give me then I will gladly take on the challenge. I mean, after all, the baby is here already. Whatever he or she is or has is set already. Nothing can be done to change that outcome. Nothing I can do now to make my baby a boy or a girl, or to choose their hair color, or their eye color, or if they are perfectly healthy or have some kind of genetic problem or other physical problem. The baby is here, he/ she is coming, and I love him/ her already. And that is that. Whatever happens I know God has prepared me to be this child's Mother. I was meant to have this child in my life and everything will be fine. If the child needs extra special care over it's lifetime the Lord will provide the means to support that. I have that faith in God to take care of it all. It's out of my control anyway, no use in worrying about it. Worrying is useless. I think JD is starting to see that too. I really hope he is able to stop being concerned about this and put it in God's hands.