So much drama lately... guess that is why I haven't had the time to write on my blog. My husband was gone 6 weeks this last time. I was home alone with a 2 week old and a 34 month old. I ended up hiring a neighbor lady, who was great with baby AD and my toddler, KD. She came and helped any day, weekday or weekend, any time I needed her. That was great, because so many times I was about to lose it. With the baby crying and needing to be nursed, and my daughter potty training and getting jealous of the attention and time I had to give the baby... I was going nuts. I didn't have much money to pay my neighbor, but she was volunteering to help me for free... so any money I gave her was appreciated. I just didn't feel like taking advantage of her help. By paying her I felt much better about picking up the phone at any un-godly hour or on the weekend and asking for help. And she was always happy to come on over. She only lives on the other side of the street I live on... one street over. So it didn't take her long to get to my place. But even with that stressful situation resolved that wasn't the end of the drama, much more to come.
My husband and I found out, near the end of his rotation, that the delivery of our son wasn't fully covered by our insurance and we owe thousands of dollars now! Plus, the two pediatrician visits in the hospital and the initial well baby check up wasn't covered at all. Come to find out JD's insurance through his company doesn't cover the new baby, and they won't add him on! If we want them to cover the baby we have to pay for the insurance ourselves up front for a whole year. So, we started looking for insurance in the states, instead of paying his employer for coverage. When we found a company to go with they all of a sudden decided to not cover new babies either, because of the new health coverage plan Obama is coming out with. I don't really get how all this stuff works, its just so annoying. All I know is our President's health care plan is screwing with our insurance companies and the ability of people like me to get health coverage for our new born!
Now we have submitted paperwork to another company to see if they will cover the baby before they change their policies. And of course, just after we did that JD's employer said we could pay monthly for baby AD's insurance through them. But we don't trust his employer and the insurance company they use anyway, and if JD gets a new job and we need to pay for coverage for our family our self then we need to get in the door now before the Obama plans take effect and the only option we have is to go through a government run insurance plan, which sounds like a nightmare to me. Well, this is only the beginning of the drama surrounding my life.
My older brother, the one who has stage 4 melanoma cancer, visited me recently. He was on a road trip that was suppose to last until he died... happy thought, right? And while on his way towards me he found out that he qualifies for a clinical trial that has a 60%+ success rate. So he was stoked about that and had to run off for more tests... shortly after arriving to my house on a Sunday, he had to leave Wednesday. When I saw my brother I was taken back a bit. He looks like a skeleton walking. He had no body fat and was very muscular before he went on this other clinical trial, which included chemo therapy and a trial drug. He lost 30 lbs and it aged him by at least 30 years, so now instead of a healthy 38 year old he looked like an aging 68 year old! His hair was growing in kind of patchy and was a strange dark gray color. And his beard was all wiry and salt and pepper gray.
Just before my brother left I took him and his girlfriend (who is amazing, by the way, and takes great care of him) out to dinner. The next morning they took off for San Francisco for the clinical trial tests. While on their way my brother realized he was missing his wallet. I looked through my house, my car, and called the restaurant where we ate... no wallet. It sucked for one major reason... I had just given him $100 from an account that I have for him of money from our Mother's estate, she passed a couple years ago. I was keeping it safe for him until he needed the money. He initially wasn't going to even ask for any of the money but I suggested he think about if he needed some extra cash for gas or food on his way back home. And then JD and I gave him $40 to help with parking when he got to his hotel in San Fran. So, now $140 was gone, and I didn't even need to be giving that to him in the first place, wish I just left the money suggestion to myself. And I took him out to eat and paid for the meal, if I had let him look for his wallet and pay for even a part of the meal he may have discovered his wallet had fallen out of his pocket, I am thinking it may have gotten lost at the restaurant and someone stole it and the cash inside. I feel like I made some stupid errors that caused this loss. On his way to the clinical trial, he was already stressed about passing all the pre-qualifying tests, he now was pissed off and cursing and feeling like God or fate or something was against him. I felt so bad for him. I now am hoping that the wallet turns up for him in his belongings. The restaurant manager has already said he would tear apart the booth where we were sitting to see if he can find it. I know I can't blame myself for this accidental loss of the money and his wallet and identifications etc., but I wish I could make it better for him so he wouldn't stress.
Then later the same day, my husband had just gotten home Wednesday after my brother took off (like two ships passing in the night), my sister-in-law and husband (JD's sister) said they would be bringing home the new baby they were adopting. She was born Saturday and they had just gotten the paperwork signed for the adoption and wanted us to come see their new baby girl. We were going to go with JD's parents, but then KD ended up still having a runny nose from her cold that she seemed to had just gotten a day before. So, I said we shouldn't go and visit another day when KD wasn't sick, didn't want the baby to get sick. JD's parents ended up going without us, and we were a little bummed about not being there for the baby's homecoming. And then later that night, as JD was giving KD her bath, we got a call from his sister, she was crying... that was not a good sign. I was getting nervous, wondering what had happened to her or the baby or both. JD hung up the phone and said he was going straight over to her house, Social Services were on their way to pick up the baby... the birth parents changed their minds and wanted her back!!! OMG! That was the worst news ever! I knew that was a possibility, but was praying constantly for that not to happen. JD was there as the baby was torn from their arms. Everyone was sobbing. Thankfully JD's parents got the news from him and turned the car around and went over as well. His sister's parents in law were also there, as well as her husband's sister. It was great that the whole family on both sides were able to be there for moral support and to counsel them through this rough time. I was at home with the kids alone again, which I was unhappy about, but I was more angry at the situation for my sister-in-law and wanted to cry.
I was able to get KD to bed, with no help from the crying baby. I almost lost it as he was crying and she was wanting to read this crazy flip out book while sitting on my lap, with the crying baby, and read it to her. It was just something I couldn't do for her... but kept it together after pacing KD's room and taking a deep breath. I told her I wasn't angry with her, but wanted her to help me out by choosing a "normal" book (one that didn't unfold into a mile long book and was hard to read while balancing two kids on my lap) and then I was able to get AD to stop crying long enough to read the new book to her. I was just upset because of the situation happening while I was at home. I wanted to run out the door with JD and hug his sister and hold her hand and be there for her and her husband. It was hard not to feel a bit resentful about being there with the kids, stuck. Seemed like a mini repeat of the previous weeks without JD home, plus the added stress of what was happening that very moment. I was not a happy camper. The next day JD said his sister and husband were feeling a bit better, but I have no idea how they could. I think they must be in shock and just all cried out over it.
Needless to say, that Wednesday was the worst ever. And it just capped off the whole stressful month before with a bang... but not a good one. I just prayed and prayed, and asked others to pray. I don't know why God allows these things to happen, but I have to believe its for a good reason and that my brother will beat the cancer and my sister-in-law will finally get her baby... and that JD and I will figure out a way to pay for all these bills and for the insurance, and that JD will get a better job, one that he isn't gone for a 5 to 6 weeks at a time. Until all those things happen I will be praying fervently. And if none of those things comes to be I will have to realize it wasn't God's will and I have to look for God's ultimate plan and meaning in it all. I know God loves me, and I won't let these things take away my faith in Him, and that in the end all things work for good for those who love Him. Amen.
Friday, October 15, 2010
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Love in the Midst of Misery
With crazy zig zag tearing and 4 sutures in my "lady parts" I had quite a challenging first week after baby was born. At one point I felt so much pain I was in tears and the next day my husband made a call to my OB Doctor to see if he could prescribe a pain med for me. I have been taking 600 mg of Motrin every 6 hours and that was just not cutting it for me. Thankfully my Dr. asked me to come in to take a look and didn't just give me pain pills.
When I went in there were a couple stitches actually pulling at and cutting into my skin. The Dr. was able to cut and remove two right there in the examination room. As soon as he did that I felt immediate relief. But he still gave me a prescription for some pain meds anyways, luckily so. By the time JD and I got back to the car I was about to pass out just from the pain I experienced when he found the offending stitches (he had to press on them and investigate the cause of the pain and that caused further pain). I took a Vicodin when I got home and after a good nap I felt much better. And I only needed one more later that night and since then have avoided taking anymore.
Just when I thought the worst was over, the next day I felt horrible cramps in my abdomen, causing me a lot of misery. I was laying in bed, having only taken some Motrin at this point, when my daughter came and wanted to give me a hug. I found myself in tears as my daughter hugged me, and this caused the poor sensitive girl to cry as well. She probably thought she had hurt me, because I had been telling her not to push on me or touch me certain ways for the past few days. I told KD that I liked the hug and the tears were good tears. It was like a healing hug from her. I can't explain the power of that hug... I have no words. I pulled her into my chest again for a hug and we laid there together and just breathed the healing in.
I decided to hop in the shower while the baby was still asleep, and after KD felt better again. I figured a nice hot shower would help the cramping and I hoped I wouldn't need another Vicodin for the pain. While I was in the hot water I started crying again, just letting it out. And while I felt the misery I prayed and thanked God for the love in my life. I have a wonderful daughter, a healthy new baby boy, a husband who is doing everything around the house for me... taking care of me, our toddler and our new baby, as well as cooking and cleaning! I felt blessed by God, even though I was in a miserable state with all the stitches and the pains that come with your body attempting to snap back into it's former shape. It's a pain that seems like it has no purpose, but it does have meaning. It is a necessary pain when you have a child. To get the family that we want and to enjoy the blessing of a new baby I have to go through this pain.
I don't know why, but finding purpose in the pain makes it more bearable. Like enduring the pain of labor. I didn't get an epidural with either of my kids. I don't need one, my labor goes so fast! When I am feeling I am at the highest point of pain its over in 15 minutes anyway, so why get some drug put in me for just 15 minutes of pain that has a good purpose to it? I can handle it, so I figure I don't need the epidural. I don't hold it against any woman who wants the epidural... if I had 12 or 24 hours of labor and it took me an hour to push out my baby I would want it too!! But for me, the pain isn't meaningless and something I just want to push out of my mind. Its a part of the process, feeling the need to push, feeling the pressure of the baby coming down... all of that is information that helps me know when to push and informs me of what is going on. The pain, like I said, has a purpose. Therefore it is bearable. Plus I know it has an end... it will go away, it is not for an eternity.
When I went in there were a couple stitches actually pulling at and cutting into my skin. The Dr. was able to cut and remove two right there in the examination room. As soon as he did that I felt immediate relief. But he still gave me a prescription for some pain meds anyways, luckily so. By the time JD and I got back to the car I was about to pass out just from the pain I experienced when he found the offending stitches (he had to press on them and investigate the cause of the pain and that caused further pain). I took a Vicodin when I got home and after a good nap I felt much better. And I only needed one more later that night and since then have avoided taking anymore.
Just when I thought the worst was over, the next day I felt horrible cramps in my abdomen, causing me a lot of misery. I was laying in bed, having only taken some Motrin at this point, when my daughter came and wanted to give me a hug. I found myself in tears as my daughter hugged me, and this caused the poor sensitive girl to cry as well. She probably thought she had hurt me, because I had been telling her not to push on me or touch me certain ways for the past few days. I told KD that I liked the hug and the tears were good tears. It was like a healing hug from her. I can't explain the power of that hug... I have no words. I pulled her into my chest again for a hug and we laid there together and just breathed the healing in.
I decided to hop in the shower while the baby was still asleep, and after KD felt better again. I figured a nice hot shower would help the cramping and I hoped I wouldn't need another Vicodin for the pain. While I was in the hot water I started crying again, just letting it out. And while I felt the misery I prayed and thanked God for the love in my life. I have a wonderful daughter, a healthy new baby boy, a husband who is doing everything around the house for me... taking care of me, our toddler and our new baby, as well as cooking and cleaning! I felt blessed by God, even though I was in a miserable state with all the stitches and the pains that come with your body attempting to snap back into it's former shape. It's a pain that seems like it has no purpose, but it does have meaning. It is a necessary pain when you have a child. To get the family that we want and to enjoy the blessing of a new baby I have to go through this pain.
I don't know why, but finding purpose in the pain makes it more bearable. Like enduring the pain of labor. I didn't get an epidural with either of my kids. I don't need one, my labor goes so fast! When I am feeling I am at the highest point of pain its over in 15 minutes anyway, so why get some drug put in me for just 15 minutes of pain that has a good purpose to it? I can handle it, so I figure I don't need the epidural. I don't hold it against any woman who wants the epidural... if I had 12 or 24 hours of labor and it took me an hour to push out my baby I would want it too!! But for me, the pain isn't meaningless and something I just want to push out of my mind. Its a part of the process, feeling the need to push, feeling the pressure of the baby coming down... all of that is information that helps me know when to push and informs me of what is going on. The pain, like I said, has a purpose. Therefore it is bearable. Plus I know it has an end... it will go away, it is not for an eternity.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Baby is Here! (the big story)
Ironically the same day I wrote the last blog entry I was actually in labor and didn't realize it yet. I had abdominal cramping when I woke up and was relaxing at home thinking they were Braxton Hicks contractions and waiting for them to go away. My husband had taken KD out with him to do a few errands and I stayed home hoping to feel better soon. But when I laid down they didn't stop. I decided to start timing the sharp pains when they hit, since they seemed to come and go, and at first there was no pattern, but kept timing things. I messaged JD on his Blackberry to let him have a heads up, just in case this was it.
I started timing things at 11:20am and by the time he was home, around noon, they seemed to be coming and going in a pattern. I was still unsure because I only felt sharp menstrual type pains and no rise and fall of labor pains, like I did with my first... there was a definite build up and a peak of pain and then a lowering and relaxing of the abdomen. But soon enough I started to get that feeling, that "I think another one is coming" feeling, and sure enough there emerged a pattern. At this point they were coming every 7 to 8 minutes apart and it was nearing 1pm. JD's sister arrived just as we were waiting for the contractions to be 5 min apart. JD and I agreed to wait until I felt two labor pains 5 minutes apart in a consecutive row before we left for the hospital. And by around 1pm I had felt that and we decided to head out the door. JD's Mom came over to go with us and JD's Dad took over KD watching and was ready to put her down for her nap for us.
We arrived at the hospital and they wheeled me in to the check-in office. There I filled out and signed all kinds of paperwork. I wasn't in hard labor, thank goodness... but the check in lady said she would send me right to my room if I needed to. My contractions were soon just 2 or 3 minutes apart when we finally got finished with the check in process. By the time we made it in the the L&D (labor and delivery) room it was 2:15pm. I crossed my fingers and hoped this was actually it and that they wouldn't be sending me home.
Once the nurse came in and checked me out I was 4cm dilated... hurray!! I could stay!! JD said he thought I would be at 4cm, I was at that point with our first when the contractions were as close. But I felt so relaxed, and nothing eventful had happened yet (like my water breaking or getting that "bloody show" thing), that I wasn't very sure. But I was happy this was the real deal and that it was finally confirmed.
I continued through the beginning stage of labor with a smile and good humor, knowing that the hard labor would be coming soon and that I wouldn't be doing much talking eventually. My sister-in-law and Mother-in-law stayed in the room and were there for the whole thing. JD was wonderfully supportive, as he always is, and my in-laws took turns letting me squeeze their hands or rubbing my arm or leg or whatever they could do for me... such as getting more ice chips and whatnot.
We warned the nurse that I had quick labor with my first and that the Doctor hadn't made it into the room last time. So, by the time she checked me and I was almost 8cm dilated (around 4pm) everyone was placing their bets that the baby would be coming in 15 to 30 minutes. When the nurse called the Doctor she told him to come right over and not stop to talk to anyone (his office is across the street from the hospital.) And just when he stepped into the room I had the urge to push!!
I had to breath "who who who" to try to stop from pushing until he got his gloves on, but that urge to push is very hard to stop. When he was pulled up to me and set to go I was already in the midst of another contraction and starting to push. I was still breathing a bit and grunting and he said to stop all noise and breathing to put my energy into pushing the baby out. While we waited for the next contraction to come the Doctor said the baby's heart rate was dropping and if I did it right the baby could come out in the next push. So I concentrated all my energy on getting baby A out (his name starts with an "A"). I knew it there was no time to mess around and ease him out. So with the next push I said in my head, "C'moooon baby A____!" and soon he popped right out with a gush of liquid. My water hadn't even really broken before this point, I had felt a small trickle of water earlier and the Doctor (I think) may have pierced it somewhere in all this commotion, I heard him say something about breaking my water and then saying "her water broke" but I am not sure when all that happened. But no matter, baby A was finally here... at 4:15pm!
He was weighed and we all gasped as the nurse called out "9 pounds 4 ounces!" He was also measured at 20" long. Big boy!! Then the Doctor started stitching me up, he said I tore in a zig zag all over the place and ended up using 4 suture spools! He told me that was due to a few things 1. I had scar tissue from the tears my first baby caused me, which doesn't stretch 2. I had a big baby and 3. I had to get him out fast and didn't have time to ease him out. So, that is the "fun" and painful mess I have to deal with now. But I was happy to finally have my baby boy in my arms.
When KD was brought in to see me and the baby for the first time she was very excited. She wanted to kiss and hug the baby. She looked at me and said, "He came out!" So cute. I had been saying to her for a couple weeks, "Tell your brother he can come out anytime now." So I guess she picked that up from me. I am glad she was so excited and took to him right away.
The next couple days in the hospital I was in a very good mood and was able to get minimal rest throughout the nights, but that was expected... I was happy for any amount of sleep. Baby A has been a very good nurser, just like his big sis KD. He even stayed in his bassinet without crying (KD didn't do that), so between feedings I could have him out of the bed to get some sleep without worrying about him in my bed or trying to hold him while sleeping.
When I was released from the hospital I was very impatient and ready to go home. I had to wait for everything, the nurse to come in and do the papers, the wheelchair to get there to wheel me out, and then JD had a struggle getting the baby's straps tight on his car seat, and I was ready to see KD and have lunch! I got pretty restless at this point. When we finally got home I was happy to see KD run up and greet me and get into the house with Baby A. JD's Dad leaned over to me and asked if I wanted my sandwich (which he had picked up for us for lunch) and I was very eager and said, "Yes! Please... ASAP!" Haha. And so concludes the birth story of my very big boy!
I started timing things at 11:20am and by the time he was home, around noon, they seemed to be coming and going in a pattern. I was still unsure because I only felt sharp menstrual type pains and no rise and fall of labor pains, like I did with my first... there was a definite build up and a peak of pain and then a lowering and relaxing of the abdomen. But soon enough I started to get that feeling, that "I think another one is coming" feeling, and sure enough there emerged a pattern. At this point they were coming every 7 to 8 minutes apart and it was nearing 1pm. JD's sister arrived just as we were waiting for the contractions to be 5 min apart. JD and I agreed to wait until I felt two labor pains 5 minutes apart in a consecutive row before we left for the hospital. And by around 1pm I had felt that and we decided to head out the door. JD's Mom came over to go with us and JD's Dad took over KD watching and was ready to put her down for her nap for us.
We arrived at the hospital and they wheeled me in to the check-in office. There I filled out and signed all kinds of paperwork. I wasn't in hard labor, thank goodness... but the check in lady said she would send me right to my room if I needed to. My contractions were soon just 2 or 3 minutes apart when we finally got finished with the check in process. By the time we made it in the the L&D (labor and delivery) room it was 2:15pm. I crossed my fingers and hoped this was actually it and that they wouldn't be sending me home.
Once the nurse came in and checked me out I was 4cm dilated... hurray!! I could stay!! JD said he thought I would be at 4cm, I was at that point with our first when the contractions were as close. But I felt so relaxed, and nothing eventful had happened yet (like my water breaking or getting that "bloody show" thing), that I wasn't very sure. But I was happy this was the real deal and that it was finally confirmed.
I continued through the beginning stage of labor with a smile and good humor, knowing that the hard labor would be coming soon and that I wouldn't be doing much talking eventually. My sister-in-law and Mother-in-law stayed in the room and were there for the whole thing. JD was wonderfully supportive, as he always is, and my in-laws took turns letting me squeeze their hands or rubbing my arm or leg or whatever they could do for me... such as getting more ice chips and whatnot.
We warned the nurse that I had quick labor with my first and that the Doctor hadn't made it into the room last time. So, by the time she checked me and I was almost 8cm dilated (around 4pm) everyone was placing their bets that the baby would be coming in 15 to 30 minutes. When the nurse called the Doctor she told him to come right over and not stop to talk to anyone (his office is across the street from the hospital.) And just when he stepped into the room I had the urge to push!!
I had to breath "who who who" to try to stop from pushing until he got his gloves on, but that urge to push is very hard to stop. When he was pulled up to me and set to go I was already in the midst of another contraction and starting to push. I was still breathing a bit and grunting and he said to stop all noise and breathing to put my energy into pushing the baby out. While we waited for the next contraction to come the Doctor said the baby's heart rate was dropping and if I did it right the baby could come out in the next push. So I concentrated all my energy on getting baby A out (his name starts with an "A"). I knew it there was no time to mess around and ease him out. So with the next push I said in my head, "C'moooon baby A____!" and soon he popped right out with a gush of liquid. My water hadn't even really broken before this point, I had felt a small trickle of water earlier and the Doctor (I think) may have pierced it somewhere in all this commotion, I heard him say something about breaking my water and then saying "her water broke" but I am not sure when all that happened. But no matter, baby A was finally here... at 4:15pm!
He was weighed and we all gasped as the nurse called out "9 pounds 4 ounces!" He was also measured at 20" long. Big boy!! Then the Doctor started stitching me up, he said I tore in a zig zag all over the place and ended up using 4 suture spools! He told me that was due to a few things 1. I had scar tissue from the tears my first baby caused me, which doesn't stretch 2. I had a big baby and 3. I had to get him out fast and didn't have time to ease him out. So, that is the "fun" and painful mess I have to deal with now. But I was happy to finally have my baby boy in my arms.
When KD was brought in to see me and the baby for the first time she was very excited. She wanted to kiss and hug the baby. She looked at me and said, "He came out!" So cute. I had been saying to her for a couple weeks, "Tell your brother he can come out anytime now." So I guess she picked that up from me. I am glad she was so excited and took to him right away.
The next couple days in the hospital I was in a very good mood and was able to get minimal rest throughout the nights, but that was expected... I was happy for any amount of sleep. Baby A has been a very good nurser, just like his big sis KD. He even stayed in his bassinet without crying (KD didn't do that), so between feedings I could have him out of the bed to get some sleep without worrying about him in my bed or trying to hold him while sleeping.
When I was released from the hospital I was very impatient and ready to go home. I had to wait for everything, the nurse to come in and do the papers, the wheelchair to get there to wheel me out, and then JD had a struggle getting the baby's straps tight on his car seat, and I was ready to see KD and have lunch! I got pretty restless at this point. When we finally got home I was happy to see KD run up and greet me and get into the house with Baby A. JD's Dad leaned over to me and asked if I wanted my sandwich (which he had picked up for us for lunch) and I was very eager and said, "Yes! Please... ASAP!" Haha. And so concludes the birth story of my very big boy!
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Final Days of Waiting
I am now 39 1/2 weeks into my pregnancy, the baby is due in 5 more days. I am very uncomfortable and ready for this little guy to come out! My first only showed up 1 day before her due date, but I am hoping this baby will show up a few days early. I would like him to come Saturday or Sunday... or even Friday (tomorrow).
Every night is a challenge to sleep, I am very uncomfortable right now. I have insomnia issues most nights, and I can't turn off my brain if there is anything left to prepare before the baby's arrival. I am very emotional as well. There was some drama earlier this week when JD's parents (who live two houses down from us) started telling us that Grandpa wants to be at the hospital waiting for the baby to be born. Which doesn't sound like a big deal, but what made it a big deal to me is that Grandpa is the only person we can count on day or night to be here to take care of KD while we run off to the hospital. Grandma is one of the people that I am going to allow in the delivery room, so she will be running off with me and JD.
So there was one night that I didn't sleep AT ALL! I was upset that the grandparents were making their plans and demands and I just wanted to get tot he hospital and know KD was taken care of. I sent off a long email at 5:30am describing "the plan" for when I went into labor, the times people could be at the hospital, and who would be allowed in the labor and delivery room and when. I also mentioned who would be available to watch KD if it was a work night versus a weekend. Anyways, after that I was told KD is a priority and so am I and all will be taken care of. But then a call similar to the one that made me sleepless all night came again to JD from his Mom. I was pissed at this point. I get it already, JD's Dad wants to be at the hospital waiting for his first grandson to be born.
After crying to a couple people (while JD was out of the house) I called a couple neighbors that are Moms and have watched KD before for several hours. One of them actually offered to help even if it was in the middle of the night/ early morning! This was amazing and such a great relief to me, I can't even tell you. I absolutely trust her with KD and I know KD is very comfortable with her and her kids. So I email JD's Dad and let him know these two ladies could be called to hand off KD to and that the one could even take her in the middle of the night. I just asked that he be the one KD wakes up to. I don't want her waking up in a house without her Mommy and Daddy and a neighbor not a family member. She may need some reassureance that her Mommy is ok and have everything explained about her baby brother being on the way.
So, now that that is all taken care of I feel much better. I don't have to worry if its a work day or a weekend that the baby decides to come, or what time of day. During the work week KD's Uncle wouldn't be able to do much if the time frame ran into the hours he has to be at work. He was the only other person besides Grandpa, who is a family member, that could be here when she wakes up and be a reassurance to her. I know that Grandpa is the go to person for KD and I can rush out the door with JD and Grandma knowing he has people I trust to call once KD is awake to take over watching her.
Now its just the waiting game. Every night I go to bed I wonder if that will be the night. And every time we make a plan to go somewhere or do something I wonder if we will be having a baby instead of making the appointment/ date. Its hard to keep myself busy when I feel so miserable (lots of pressure on my hips and sharp shooting pains in my pelvis when the baby lowers a little bit more...) but if I sit around the house 24 hrs a day it only makes the waiting seem even longer. A pizza/movie party may be in order soon... when we did that when waiting for KD she came the next day! And it was a great way to get my mind off the wait and to hang out with friends.
Every night is a challenge to sleep, I am very uncomfortable right now. I have insomnia issues most nights, and I can't turn off my brain if there is anything left to prepare before the baby's arrival. I am very emotional as well. There was some drama earlier this week when JD's parents (who live two houses down from us) started telling us that Grandpa wants to be at the hospital waiting for the baby to be born. Which doesn't sound like a big deal, but what made it a big deal to me is that Grandpa is the only person we can count on day or night to be here to take care of KD while we run off to the hospital. Grandma is one of the people that I am going to allow in the delivery room, so she will be running off with me and JD.
So there was one night that I didn't sleep AT ALL! I was upset that the grandparents were making their plans and demands and I just wanted to get tot he hospital and know KD was taken care of. I sent off a long email at 5:30am describing "the plan" for when I went into labor, the times people could be at the hospital, and who would be allowed in the labor and delivery room and when. I also mentioned who would be available to watch KD if it was a work night versus a weekend. Anyways, after that I was told KD is a priority and so am I and all will be taken care of. But then a call similar to the one that made me sleepless all night came again to JD from his Mom. I was pissed at this point. I get it already, JD's Dad wants to be at the hospital waiting for his first grandson to be born.
After crying to a couple people (while JD was out of the house) I called a couple neighbors that are Moms and have watched KD before for several hours. One of them actually offered to help even if it was in the middle of the night/ early morning! This was amazing and such a great relief to me, I can't even tell you. I absolutely trust her with KD and I know KD is very comfortable with her and her kids. So I email JD's Dad and let him know these two ladies could be called to hand off KD to and that the one could even take her in the middle of the night. I just asked that he be the one KD wakes up to. I don't want her waking up in a house without her Mommy and Daddy and a neighbor not a family member. She may need some reassureance that her Mommy is ok and have everything explained about her baby brother being on the way.
So, now that that is all taken care of I feel much better. I don't have to worry if its a work day or a weekend that the baby decides to come, or what time of day. During the work week KD's Uncle wouldn't be able to do much if the time frame ran into the hours he has to be at work. He was the only other person besides Grandpa, who is a family member, that could be here when she wakes up and be a reassurance to her. I know that Grandpa is the go to person for KD and I can rush out the door with JD and Grandma knowing he has people I trust to call once KD is awake to take over watching her.
Now its just the waiting game. Every night I go to bed I wonder if that will be the night. And every time we make a plan to go somewhere or do something I wonder if we will be having a baby instead of making the appointment/ date. Its hard to keep myself busy when I feel so miserable (lots of pressure on my hips and sharp shooting pains in my pelvis when the baby lowers a little bit more...) but if I sit around the house 24 hrs a day it only makes the waiting seem even longer. A pizza/movie party may be in order soon... when we did that when waiting for KD she came the next day! And it was a great way to get my mind off the wait and to hang out with friends.
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Bad Preggie Day
Thursday I woke up and took KD to Vacation Bible School (VBS) at church. I started having a Braxton Hicks contraction as soon as I dropped her off. BH contractions usually don't happen to me until around 6pm at night. They have been doing that pretty steadily for around a month now. It freaked me out at first, that I was doing to much... but they seemed to come whether or not I did a lot that day or did nothing. So I just gave into the fact that that was going to be happening on a regular basis. Fortunately I have had help for most of July, while JD is gone, in the evenings. A friend has been staying with me and helping with dinner, cleaning dishes, picking up toys, wiping down surfaces with cleansers that I wish to not inhale right now, and giving KD her baths and getting her in her PJs. All stuff that adds up to a lot for me right now.
Anyways, as I was saying... Thursday the BHs were coming every hour or so and only would go away if I laid down. I picked up KD from VBS at noon and then after lunch we both took a long nap. That evening happened to be one where my friend wasn't going to be home until late. So, I was trying my best to cope with the stomach tightening at every move and feeding KD and getting her ready for bed. But when it got to be KD's bed time I couldn't even bend down to get her PJs on her and I just sat down in the rocking recliner in the living room. She was playing around me, having a good time, and as my stomach was tightening she ran over to me and simply bent her head down and tapped into my hands that were laying on my belly. The simple tap of her head sent this searing pain through my belly and I just had to cry. I couldn't help it, it hurt that much! Poor kid, she said sorry and gave me kisses, and wiped tears off my cheek. (She is so stinkin' sweet.) I assured her it wasn't her fault and she didn't do anything wrong to apologize for, but I appreciated the hugs and kisses.
At that point I decided my ability to get KD ready for bed just wasn't going to happen. I called my in-laws two houses down. Thank God for them being so close. I try not to bother them unless I really need them (or I would be calling every day, every minute). Grandma was ready and willing to come to my rescue. I got to lay down in bed as she dressed KD and rocked her for a while to calm her down.
Unfortunately it got to be 10pm at night and KD was still up with Grandma in the living room. I walked out there wondering when Grandma was going to be taking KD into her room to put her into bed. I guess she was waiting for my friend to come home and help out??? Anyways, at that point I said I would take KD to her room and do the deed myself. Grandma offered to stay just in case I needed help, which was good. I told her that if KD was running around and not calming down there was no way I was going to be dealing with that. I was just going to turn on KD's music and rock her with the lights out for a couple songs and then put her into bed, that was it. If I had to get out of that rocking chair I was going to go grab Grandma and have her deal with getting KD settled back down and putting her into bed. Fortunately KD actually did go straight to bed after the few minutes of rocking. So, I guess Grandma needed a bit more instruction on what I wanted and needed her to do. But at least the intentions of helping me were there. I tried to not let it get to me too much.
That night my friend came home with another close friend to stay the night. They were staying over because the next day they were throwing a baby shower for me. It was just easier for everything to get done if they stayed, and I didn't mind that! And as it happened I needed the extra help all day the next day to rest and recuperate from Thursday.
What did peeve me off a bit was the next morning... the "other close friend" that I mentioned informed me that my husband had posted "worried" as his status on Facebook and she then started instant messaging him to see why. Well, its because Grandma (my husband's mother, the worrier) decided to freak him out and say I was having contractions the night before and was in a lot of pain. She was thinking I was going to go into labor, or that I had pre-eclampsia or whatever. And he is on the other side of the world and can't do anything about it. UGH! Since when did she become a doctor? She does this a lot, she diagnoses you with something instead of being calm and just saying, "Call the doctor." I had told her the night before that my Doctor knows about the BHs and his instructions were, "If they go away when you sit or lay down you are fine. If you start feeling them 5 minutes apart for an hour then go to the hospital." And the only reason I was in pain was because KD tapped her head against my belly at the same moment my stomach was getting hard as a basketball. The BHs are annoying, but not THAT painful.
So I had to start messaging JD that I was okay and that his Mom was over reacting. His Mom, while I was talking to him, called and asked if she could bring over her blood pressure machine for me. I said, "Whatever helps you sleep at night." I knew it would be fine. And after she took it she said, "Its good... now we know its not pre-eclampsia." LOL!! I just had to laugh at the woman. Again, at least she means well. Better that she is over protective than not care about me at all. But the down side is that she has sent my husband into worry mode. So I gave the Doctor's office a call and talked to the nurse. She said everything that I was saying about it and mentioned a couple practical tips. She said being dehydrated can irritate the uterus too, so make sure to drink plenty of water. And I must admit, the day before I didn't drink much water. I had helped out at VBS that one day... Wednesday, and though I just sat for 3 hours pushing a soundtrack button and occasionally stood to write on a white board or pass out a snack, I didn't do much at all! But what I didn't do, and should have, was drink anything or eat anything during those few hours. And even though that doesn't sound like a big deal, for me at 36 weeks preggers it apparently was a big deal. My body was just yelling at me the next day to take it easy. The nurse also said that me taking care of a toddler on my own (for the majority of the day and month) takes its toll and I am probably doing too much. She said, "Let your friends and in-laws do the laundry, wash the dishes, cook dinner, and pick up the toys." I was thinking, yeah right. I mean, I have my friend there doing that most nights, but not all. And my in-laws can't baby me all day long and do my house work and take care of KD for me. I take advantage of the help when I can, but its not around 24/7!! At this point I would need JD to come back home for that kind of help. And he won't be back for another week and a half.
I guess I will have to figure out how to pare things down as best I can, not over work myself (even though it seems like I am barely doing anything already), and drink plenty of water and get as much rest as possible. I have called friends and neighbors, and signed up Grandma, for time to take KD for a few hours or to come over and make dinner or help out as needed during the day or night. Hopefully the few hours of help a day will be enough to keep the all day BH contractions at bay. I don't want to trigger early labor... baby has to stay put until Daddy comes home! The nurse told me at this point if I do go into labor they won't stop it, the baby is at a point that he would be fine if he came early. But I won't be!! And JD would be so upset if he missed the birth of his son when he was planning on being home 20 days before the due date anyways! OMG... don't let that happen! I just have to make it through a little while longer and then all will be fine. JD will take care of me and KD and our baby will be born at full term, as he is meant to be.
Anyways, as I was saying... Thursday the BHs were coming every hour or so and only would go away if I laid down. I picked up KD from VBS at noon and then after lunch we both took a long nap. That evening happened to be one where my friend wasn't going to be home until late. So, I was trying my best to cope with the stomach tightening at every move and feeding KD and getting her ready for bed. But when it got to be KD's bed time I couldn't even bend down to get her PJs on her and I just sat down in the rocking recliner in the living room. She was playing around me, having a good time, and as my stomach was tightening she ran over to me and simply bent her head down and tapped into my hands that were laying on my belly. The simple tap of her head sent this searing pain through my belly and I just had to cry. I couldn't help it, it hurt that much! Poor kid, she said sorry and gave me kisses, and wiped tears off my cheek. (She is so stinkin' sweet.) I assured her it wasn't her fault and she didn't do anything wrong to apologize for, but I appreciated the hugs and kisses.
At that point I decided my ability to get KD ready for bed just wasn't going to happen. I called my in-laws two houses down. Thank God for them being so close. I try not to bother them unless I really need them (or I would be calling every day, every minute). Grandma was ready and willing to come to my rescue. I got to lay down in bed as she dressed KD and rocked her for a while to calm her down.
Unfortunately it got to be 10pm at night and KD was still up with Grandma in the living room. I walked out there wondering when Grandma was going to be taking KD into her room to put her into bed. I guess she was waiting for my friend to come home and help out??? Anyways, at that point I said I would take KD to her room and do the deed myself. Grandma offered to stay just in case I needed help, which was good. I told her that if KD was running around and not calming down there was no way I was going to be dealing with that. I was just going to turn on KD's music and rock her with the lights out for a couple songs and then put her into bed, that was it. If I had to get out of that rocking chair I was going to go grab Grandma and have her deal with getting KD settled back down and putting her into bed. Fortunately KD actually did go straight to bed after the few minutes of rocking. So, I guess Grandma needed a bit more instruction on what I wanted and needed her to do. But at least the intentions of helping me were there. I tried to not let it get to me too much.
That night my friend came home with another close friend to stay the night. They were staying over because the next day they were throwing a baby shower for me. It was just easier for everything to get done if they stayed, and I didn't mind that! And as it happened I needed the extra help all day the next day to rest and recuperate from Thursday.
What did peeve me off a bit was the next morning... the "other close friend" that I mentioned informed me that my husband had posted "worried" as his status on Facebook and she then started instant messaging him to see why. Well, its because Grandma (my husband's mother, the worrier) decided to freak him out and say I was having contractions the night before and was in a lot of pain. She was thinking I was going to go into labor, or that I had pre-eclampsia or whatever. And he is on the other side of the world and can't do anything about it. UGH! Since when did she become a doctor? She does this a lot, she diagnoses you with something instead of being calm and just saying, "Call the doctor." I had told her the night before that my Doctor knows about the BHs and his instructions were, "If they go away when you sit or lay down you are fine. If you start feeling them 5 minutes apart for an hour then go to the hospital." And the only reason I was in pain was because KD tapped her head against my belly at the same moment my stomach was getting hard as a basketball. The BHs are annoying, but not THAT painful.
So I had to start messaging JD that I was okay and that his Mom was over reacting. His Mom, while I was talking to him, called and asked if she could bring over her blood pressure machine for me. I said, "Whatever helps you sleep at night." I knew it would be fine. And after she took it she said, "Its good... now we know its not pre-eclampsia." LOL!! I just had to laugh at the woman. Again, at least she means well. Better that she is over protective than not care about me at all. But the down side is that she has sent my husband into worry mode. So I gave the Doctor's office a call and talked to the nurse. She said everything that I was saying about it and mentioned a couple practical tips. She said being dehydrated can irritate the uterus too, so make sure to drink plenty of water. And I must admit, the day before I didn't drink much water. I had helped out at VBS that one day... Wednesday, and though I just sat for 3 hours pushing a soundtrack button and occasionally stood to write on a white board or pass out a snack, I didn't do much at all! But what I didn't do, and should have, was drink anything or eat anything during those few hours. And even though that doesn't sound like a big deal, for me at 36 weeks preggers it apparently was a big deal. My body was just yelling at me the next day to take it easy. The nurse also said that me taking care of a toddler on my own (for the majority of the day and month) takes its toll and I am probably doing too much. She said, "Let your friends and in-laws do the laundry, wash the dishes, cook dinner, and pick up the toys." I was thinking, yeah right. I mean, I have my friend there doing that most nights, but not all. And my in-laws can't baby me all day long and do my house work and take care of KD for me. I take advantage of the help when I can, but its not around 24/7!! At this point I would need JD to come back home for that kind of help. And he won't be back for another week and a half.
I guess I will have to figure out how to pare things down as best I can, not over work myself (even though it seems like I am barely doing anything already), and drink plenty of water and get as much rest as possible. I have called friends and neighbors, and signed up Grandma, for time to take KD for a few hours or to come over and make dinner or help out as needed during the day or night. Hopefully the few hours of help a day will be enough to keep the all day BH contractions at bay. I don't want to trigger early labor... baby has to stay put until Daddy comes home! The nurse told me at this point if I do go into labor they won't stop it, the baby is at a point that he would be fine if he came early. But I won't be!! And JD would be so upset if he missed the birth of his son when he was planning on being home 20 days before the due date anyways! OMG... don't let that happen! I just have to make it through a little while longer and then all will be fine. JD will take care of me and KD and our baby will be born at full term, as he is meant to be.
Sunday, July 18, 2010
A Toddler's Imagination
Tonight, as I was rocking KD in her room before bed, KD told me about a dream she had. She started out with a comment, "Cars don't fit in my room." I said, "No, you are right, they don't." (This was from a conversation over a week ago that I had with her when she heard loud cars or motorcycles outside. I told her that she didn't need to be afraid of loud cars because even if the sound scares her the cars don't fit in the house, they can't fit in our house. They stay on the street.) Then she started talking about a green car that fell upside down and hit her closet doors and got a boo boo on it. Then she said there was also a pink car, a yellow car, and a blue car there too. I said, "A green car was in your room and hit your closet doors?" And she said, "Yeah!" I told her that was a dream, and that she is right about cars not being able to fit in her room. I told her it was her imagination and when she wakes up it ends and she can go back to sleep knowing it was just a dream and she is okay. Then she told me more. "I was at the beach and I saw a dolphin. I waved, 'H!i' Then a whale jumped out of the water and flew over my head and got my hand." I wasn't sure if she meant he bit her hand or what, but she would just repeat that he "got it." Then she said the dolphin turned a pink color. I asked her if the dolphin and whale dream made her feel happy or sad, she said it made her feel sad. So I knew that was another bad dream she must have had.
No wonder she has been waking up crying at night! What a wild and vivid imagination she has. I've been trying to get her to talk about her bad dreams when she wakes up, but she usually says nothing. But I am able to calm her down pretty quickly and get her back to sleep in 5 minutes or less. I am glad she finally talked about her bad dreams, I was wondering what was going on in that head of hers. And this way we can talk about what is real versus what is imagined and how to handle bad dreams. I also found her imagination fascinating.
You would think I was letting her watch cop shows and shark week on the National Geographic channel!
No wonder she has been waking up crying at night! What a wild and vivid imagination she has. I've been trying to get her to talk about her bad dreams when she wakes up, but she usually says nothing. But I am able to calm her down pretty quickly and get her back to sleep in 5 minutes or less. I am glad she finally talked about her bad dreams, I was wondering what was going on in that head of hers. And this way we can talk about what is real versus what is imagined and how to handle bad dreams. I also found her imagination fascinating.
You would think I was letting her watch cop shows and shark week on the National Geographic channel!
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
33 Weeks and Counting
I have just about competed 33 weeks of pregnancy. I can't believe I only have 7 weeks to go until I meet my baby boy! Amazing how time flies! I still have issues with sleep. Last few nights have been really rough. Two nights ago I didn't even get a wink of sleep until after 4am. Last night I fell asleep after midnight sometime, but then KD decided to wake up just before 6am and I wasn't ready to get up. After a few nights of poor sleep its seems to get all backed up on you. I was able to get a snooze on the couch while she ate her breakfast, and then she snuggled up next to me and ended up sleeping a little too.
After being up today for a few hours I still felt like I could fall asleep any second and wasn't very entertaining for KD. She was getting bored (tossing around crayons and toys) and not listening to me when I said to stop doing something she shouldn't. I decided to call a neighbor for some interventions before I went nuts and KD ended up getting time outs or spankings for poor behavior. Thankfully I found a neighbor home and willing to take KD on an outing with her two kids and another neighbor's kid that she was doing anyways. I got to stay home and sleep for a couple hours and then she said after KD's nap I could bring her over again, if I needed more time to recoup. So I ended up taking her up on that offer as well and had KD stay over at her house until dinner time. That woman is a Godsend... a veritable saint! I am so blessed to have her as my neighbor.
Besides my own sleep issues, KD has been waking up crying almost every night. I think she is having nightmares, but I have no idea how to help her stop. Last night she said something about falling, so perhaps she is having that dream where you feel like you are falling, and then waking up in a dark room feeling disoriented? I go in and rock her for a few minutes and she is okay again, but I feel so helpless. I may go find a night light for her soon and see if that helps. If she wakes up and sees familiar surroundings perhaps that will help soothe her and just go back to sleep on her own. Unfortunately, many times she wakes up just when I am about to fall asleep myself, or even before I get any sleep at all! Like the night I didn't sleep until after 4am, she woke up with a nightmare. That doesn't really help me sleep too well, my heart races when I hear that cry. Its so guttural and I can tell she is frightened and needs me. It makes me really feel empathy for her when she cries like that. I hope these bad dreams end soon for her.
JD left for his 35 day rotation again just last week. I have a friend coming over at night to stay with me this week. She has to go out of town for work next week, but will be back for another week, and then gone again for about 5 days, then back again until JD is home. I was happy for her help, even if she has to leave for work a couple weeks this month. Since Braxton Hicks contractions seem to be hitting me in the evening I am letting her do any bending, stooping, giving KD a bath and any cleaning she can help with. Those things all set off the BH contractions. My Doctor says they are fine, as long as they are going away when I change a position or stop activity. So, for now, its just another annoying thing to have to put up with. Along with the shortness of breath from just a short walk. I can't even go half way up my street without feeling winded and a BH contraction! "Really?!" Is what I say to that. It's just ridiculous, I am not doing anything strenuous!
In other news, my oldest brother, who has stage 4 Melanoma cancer, is going to be starting Chemo tomorrow. It's part of a clinical trial he has decided to go ahead and participate in. He has been told nothing will permenantly take away the Melanoma and at first he wasn't sure if he wanted to put himself through any chemo and be sick during what few precious months he has left. But I am glad he decided to try something out. Who knows, maybe a miracle will happen, or he will get some extra time to live. Even if it doesn't cure him, hopefully this can help them find a cure for the next person. And to top off this "wonderful news," July 1st was the anniverary of my Mom's death. I am handling the year marker okay, but I can't imagine its helping my brother cope with things any easier. For some reason I think it hit him the hardest. Probably because he lived farther away and was less of a communicator and wishes he had spent more time with her or calling her. I am sure the stress of her death has been a factor in the reappearance of his cancer. For me Mother's Day this year was harder than the anniversary of her death.
My husband has been looking for a new job, and if you have read my older blog postings you know we almost made a move to Jeddah. But that job seems to have taken a nose dive. The company, which is a new start up, is not doing as well as his friend had hoped. (His friend is their Director of Ops and was hoping to hire JD on as soon as they got some planes purchased and ready to go.) Now this same friend has been approached by another guy that wants to start a commuter/ business flight company out of Carlsbad, California. JD's friend has accepted that position and is in the midst of background checks etc. If he ends up working as their Director of Ops he is going to see what they are willing to pay for a Captain position and see if its worth it for JD to start working there.
I told JD that even if this new company doesn't end up being successful that he should take the job. We can even deal with a small paycut for a while. JD needs to get out of the Middle East. The company he is working for treats their pilots horribly... and financially they seem to be going down hill fast too. And JD and I really want him to work closer to home so we can see each other more. This Carlsbad company is only a couple hours drive from our house and the owner says that he wants his pilots to be home every night. Apperantly he is a big family man, which is a HUGE difference than what he has to deal with now. JD's current company couldn't care less about their pilot's wives or children.
It would be amazing to have my husband home every night. And it sounds like if this happens it will be in September! Right after the baby is born!! Such good timing. I am praying hard for that to happen. I know the job may not be around forever, but it would get JD home and buy him more time to look for something else that will work for us. I also think that getting paid less is worth it for him to be home every night. I just can't handle this 5 weeks gone, 4 weeks home situation anymore, especially with a 2nd child on the way. I have no idea how I am going to cope without him.
Well, that's my news for now. Here's to some good sleep, miracle healings, and husband being home more! Cheers! (Imagine a glass of wine in our hands and me clinking it with you... except mine has sparkling cider in it, haha.)
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