Phew!!!

As I had mentioned in an earlier post, I am planning on getting pregnant again sometime this year... but not NOW. I have been waiting for my period to come along for a few days now, its been pretty regular for the past 5 months, and I started to wonder... "when did my husband and I last have sex? Did he wear a condom? Was I possibly OVULATING???!!! Oh no!" So instead of wait another worried, sleepless night about the possibility I took a pregnancy test, it was negative... "Phew!!!"

Its not that being pregnant would be horrible timing right now, just not that ideal. #1 Reason is because the family member I mentioned earlier, that has been trying to get pregnant for a few years now, has just gone to the next step of getting an IUI (inter-uterine insemination). And now she is waiting to see if it took. I would really like for this to work for her and not steal her thunder if she was to announce that she is pregnant finally. I don't want to be like, "Yeah, me too. For a few weeks now." And then have my baby before her baby and all that jazz. That would royally suck. I am planning on actually TRYING to get pregnant in a few months. If she isn't pregnant at that point I'm not going to stress about it, I really don't want to wait any longer than that for my second baby. #2 Reason its bad timing is that I am trying to lose weight, and I just started making some more headway the past couple weeks... actually I am about where I was when I last got pregnant. I want to lose around 10-15 more before I get pregnant, that would be lovely. I want to at least have the chance to try to lose those extra pounds before we start actually trying again. If I don't lose 10 lbs by then I won't care as much and just start to try for that baby. #3 Reason is the baby's due date would have been Halloween, according to when I thought I might have been knocked up. And my first child was born 10 days before Halloween, leading to reason #4, their birthdays would be too close. I really would like to give my kids the chance to celebrate their birthdays without the shadow of another siblings birthday looming over them, or a major holiday getting in the way... if I can help it, that would be ideal. There are some other minor reasons to not want to be pregnant right now, but those are the major ones.

Now its just waiting for this sneaky, late, stressin' me out period to start. If it doesn't... then I guess I will be trying another pregnancy test, there are two in a box... conveniently enough. I guess I should be more careful until I am REALLY ready. That'll teach me to be careless. And for now I can at least get a good nights sleep. (I suppose I know better now what that family member has been going through with the waiting, and the unknown, and the stressing... and she's had to do this for YEARS now, poor thing. I bet she hasn't had a good nights sleep in a looooonng time.)

Why is it...?

Why does it seem that every time my husband leaves for a month my baby girl gets sick? And most of the time I am sick also, so I am stuck trying to get rest whenever possible and not having any energy to keep up with her during the day? (Because despite being sick she never seems to skip a beat. She always has the energy to run around and play.)

Isn't that just always the way it goes? At least this time my cold ended after a few days. But she ended up having Bronchitis! I had to give her a treatment at the Dr.'s office with a breathing vapor machine, it helped her stop wheezing. She cried her eyes out, and it was me... the great and powerful Mom, who had to hold her while she was miserable and didn't understand why I was forcing her to sit on my lap with this plastic mask over her face to breath this smokey vapor stuff. At one moment she even looked up at me with these doe eyes, these hurt little eyes that were asking, "Why Mommy? Why are you doing this to me?" Poor little thing.

Its moment like those that I wish I had my husband there to comfort me through the whole ordeal. But somehow, as a Mother, I was able to hold her calmly and tune out the loud cries of misery and have the peace of mind that I was doing what was best for her. That God given, innate, Mommy strength stuff is really something, isn't it? Thank goodness. Hard to imagine, before I was a Mom, that one day I would do things such as catch my child's vomit in my hands unflinchingly and tell her in a calm voice, "that's fine sweetheart, you are going to be okay," then rush her to the bath tub to get all cleaned up. When before the very idea of someone throwing up would make me want to vomit myself! And believe you me, my husband would just yell "GROSS!" and hand her to me as he cursed his way to the bathroom to clean himself off. Here's to Moms everywhere... we ARE super-women!